Broken Lady

Yesterday one of my old friends and co-workers posted a playlist, as he often does on Mondays.  One of the songs was "All the Gold in California" by Larry Gatlin.  I thought I'd had not heard that song in a few years and went to play it on YouTube.

As YouTube does, another Larry Gatlin song came up in queue, "Broken Lady".  As it played and I remembered the words vividly, it was like a dam had burst in my heart (lyrics to some other country song) and if I could have, I would have hit the floor.

I had not heard either song since the 80's, at least.  And the words to "Broken Lady" rang so true in my head and heart.  I've been divorced since 2004, but I never meant to be.  I thought that I could love enough to get us through anything, and it just wasn't true.  It was an impossible task I should have never took on, but I did.

I listened to the song and sang out thru tears, until the tears dried up and I moved past it, again.  I've moved past the hurt many times in the last 15 years or so, many times more than that during the marriage.  I must remember, again, my synopsis of that failed experiment.

My worst day without him has still been better than my best day with him!

First Friends

There's a meme on Facebook that says our first friends in life are our cousins.  And that is mostly true, especially if you're an only child.  But for me, my first friend was my brother Mike.

There is only eighteen months between us - Mike was born on Christmas Day 1961.  While at that age, Christmas was not really making much sense to me, I understood well that life had changed when my mom came home to my Pampie's house with a new baby.  I don't remember it, but I can picture the scene.  Mom said I came over to the bed, glad to see her, then saw the baby.  She said I lay my head down on the bed and cried.

Mike and I had about another 16 months before our brother Larry came.  There are a few vague memories of us playing together.  By the time we were school age I remember much more.  Mike and I walked home from school when we lived in Glasgow.  Straight down Cherry Street, left on Garmon Avenue, 3rd house on the right!

Then we moved to Nashville, and began a wild ride through a bunch of different schools - not of our doing but of the forced desegregation plan in place at the time.  After 1971 we would not be in the same school at the same time until the fall of 1977 when I was a senior and Mike was a sophomore.

Mike and I ran in totally different crowds.  I was studious and on the path to college, wrote for the school newspaper and had a posse of like minded folks - we were the geeks of the school!  Mike was the artist and musician, academics were the necessary evil that had to at least be tolerated to pursue the art and music.  His friends were the freaks of the school!  But, these two groups could come together at our house without hesitation or problem and laughter was the rule of the day!

After I'd graduated and failed at the college experience, I was back home, working full time and had bought my first car.  Mike said I should come to the basketball game, the pep band was playing.  So I did.  Mike said I should go with them to Pizza Hut.  So I did.  Our younger brother Larry and his crew joined us, thus began our journey of being young adults hanging out together with friends.

For the first couple of years, I was the only one of us three that owned a car.  So, we kept those wheels burnt off between the high school, various jobs and all of our social activities!  Amy was a little too young for most of what we did, but there were good times with her too!

For the next six to eight years, we thought we owned this city.  We went to loads of concerts, and lots of festivals and city gatherings.    The right of passage to adulthood orchestrated on the streets of Nashville and in a 1979 Buick Regal!

Occasionally Mike would leave town to play music somewhere for awhile.  One of those times, he was playing a show for six months in Gatlinburg.  The entire band lived in one big house, but they had a guest room, so I drove over for a weekend of fun.  Mike and I tried to drive up to Ober Gatlinburg, but my little car wouldn't pull the mountain!  We had to go back and get his car that had a 440 Torino engine!!

Once Mike and I rented a house together and that summer Larry came home from the Army and moved in - we don't discuss the year on Algonquin Trail much but you can just imagine!!

One time I had met this guy who wanted my number and I gave him the wrong number.  I decided I might like him but wasn't sure how to approach the number thing.  So I asked Mike.  He told me just to say "Hey, my number has changed" - it was perfect and we died laughing!

In the decade that followed, I got married, Larry got married, Mike finished broadcasting school, Amy got married, we lost Dad, then Mike married.  Life happened and sometimes we didn't talk as much, but when we'd get together no time had been lost!  Oh, there were times I made him so mad at me I don't know why he didn't punch me.  And times we'd laugh until we cried.  When I got divorced, I went to court with both my brothers right there beside me.  Quickest divorce ever granted I'm sure!

It's been a month since Mike left - I've spent most of this time remembering, laughing, crying and listening to a lot of music!  I cannot truly express how much Mike was my first friend, my longest friend, and the best friend a big sister could ever have!  I love you Mike and I'll see you again!!