On Tuesday of this week, my daughter went for a regular doctor's appointment and found out her little baby didn't have a heartbeat.
Devastation - pure and utter devastation. That's the only word I can think of about how this feels.
My sister had suffered two miscarriages, both fairly early. My sister in law had also, at least that's the story. I know there was one for sure one.
Those hurt, especially for my sister who is so very important to me.
I don't know what to say to my daughter and I don't know how to comfort her. I feel very sad myself, another sweet little boy grandchild, but lost before he could be born. I was hoping for a girl, but I didn't care as long as both of them were ok. And, now they are not.
I had prayed for her and the baby to both be okay. And I told God if he needed to take me to allow her baby to get her healthy and she be good, I was okay with that. I would go. But, that wasn't the plan.
She and the baby's father decided to name him - Loki - the God of chaos and mischief. Somehow, that's so very fitting and I can just see the little mister.
When my mom died, sometimes my daughter would be mad at me. She didn't think I showed enough emotion and took that for me not caring. She never knew how much I grieved, and still do, in solitude. I've done the same for a sweet precious baby, her baby, that I'll never get to hold or watch all the first steps like sitting up, standing, walking, school, etc.
And tomorrow is Mother's Day. What do I say? I had planned a shopping trip to get her something special with a mom- to - be card. I never went, and I think tomorrow if NO ONE mentions Mother's Day to me I will be quite okay with that!
