It's Christmas Eve, and I've got to get busy with some cooking I plan to do. Tomorrow my family will come over for food and presents and we'll have a good time. I will treasure those moments, even though I will be exhausted when they go, I know that these moments will be over for me one day and I want to savor each one as long as possible.
This year, 2016, has been a little more than rough. When the new year rolled in, I hoped for a good year for myself and health since 2015 had been so bad, but I also recognized that 2016 was going to bring loss, there were just too many folks I knew who were sick and hurting.
In January we lost Corky Edwards. I'd had the pleasure and privilege to call her "Grandma" for over 25 years. She was actually Ben's grandmother, but she was Grandma to all of us. Thank you Grandma for loving us all as your own!
Just a short time passed and a dear friend, Cathie Dodd, passed. Cathie had taken a chance on me back in 2003 and gave me and my children a beautiful brand new place in which to live. We lived there over six years. Thank you Cathie for all you did for me and my family and for all of the other families you helped to house for years!
Before I turned around good, my dear dear Aunt Joan passed. Joan had lived with us when she was in high school and I was a child of 4 and 5. She'd always been such a light in our family, the only girl with seven brothers! Any time we'd visit or talk on the phone, no matter how long it might have been, we could pick up like we'd not missed a single day. She was so very special to me, thank you Joan for always being a light in my life!
In June, a man very near and dear to my heart passed, Mr. Dave Miller! There is another blog post dedicated to Mr. Miller, but he was more iconic to my life than he ever knew. The knowledge he passed on to me, and others, has been invaluable in life. Thank you Mr. Miller for teaching me so very much and for always have a great sense of humor!!
A man I'd met after I moved to Trevecca, Ed Wallace, passed in summer. Ed was quite a pleasure to talk to - he loved music of all kinds so we could talk forever about that. His life's work had been in computer installation and repair, he'd been on the install team for the very first computer in Nashville - which I'd known was at Life and Casualty - so we'd bonded immediately. I can remember him being in the multi purpose room playing on the piano. Thank you Ed for being so kind to me!
Another friend from Trevecca, former Glencliff classmate and forever Woodbine girl, Connie Medrano, passed in early December. Connie and I had become good friends after she moved into Trevecca and I will always remember our "Woodbine" calls whenever we'd see each other. Thank you Connie for the laughs and I know you're heart is at peace!
Just a week ago, my dear and sweet Aunt Sue Lacy left us. What a glorious reunion Heaven must have witnessed! That should be of great comfort, and it will be I know, but right now my heart is so broken. Aunt Sue was a wonderful woman. There were times she reached out to me that I've never shared with anyone, but times when I was distraught or my heart was so burdened. She prayed with me many times over the phone, and I know her prayers would continue for me and my family long after the phone call ended. Thank you Aunt Sue for so many great memories thru the years, but especially for your Christian example and endless prayers!
My heart is heavy with the losses of 2016 and I expect a few more next year, some loved ones are not doing so well and bad news just seems to keep rolling in, but I know this is life. My grandmother used to tell me "You know Lisa, the only thing we're promised the day we are born, is that one day we will die". She was so right and there is some comfort in those words, even in times of grief. Remembering her, Mom and Dad, all the aunts and uncles, my Grandpa - brings smiles of good times and tears of sadness. Tomorrow, seeing my children and the grands will bring smiles of good times and tears of sadness - the circle of life.
Saturday, December 24, 2016
Thursday, December 1, 2016
My Mother's Heart
When I reached the age of adulthood, I ended up with a job and a new car (and a new car payment). I had been a very smart girl in school but I ended up being ignorant to the ways of the world and my part in it. I made a bunch, not one or two, but a bunch of bad decisions that I thought weren't hurting anyone except me when they'd backfire. My mother talked to me until she was 'blue in the face' to no avail. My dad tried, he even called me at work one day to tell me my mother had spent her life raising me and I was killing her. That probably straightened me up for awhile, but not too long.
Now, I didn't do alot of drugs, I did plenty of drinking, didn't go to jail, but made the most horrible decisions on some friends, especially those of male persuasion.
I remember my mom crying in desperation, begging me to drop the person I was so intent on being with - and more than once we went thru this saga - until at last I just did what she feared most, I married him and had two babies.
Becoming a parent changed me - I wanted to be a shining example to them and was grateful that my past wasn't so bad. There weren't public records to document my stupidity, just a few scars and my mother's broken heart.
And oh how I tried to do everything right for my two children. I insisted they have everything I could think of and almost everything they'd ever ask for. I supported them in school being room mother and going on field trips, always looking out for less fortunate children and trying every way I could to make them proud of themselves and do the right things.
Even after the divorce I struggled to be sure they had everything they needed (high schoolers now) and welcomed all of their friends into our home. Now, said friends would be in two groups in two separate rooms, but they were there and I was comforted that my kids would bring their friends home.
My daughter was a ray of sunshine from the first moment I laid eyes on her. She excelled in everything she did, wasn't too difficult of a teenager, went on to college and graduated, married a man who loves her desperately, is a kind and loving nurse to all of her patients and is a wonderful woman, wife and daughter to me.
My son was a challenge from the get-go. My dad said he was tense, maybe he was? His little fists were clinched from birth and he didn't sleep well for a long time. He had four daycares before kindergarten, (my daughter only two) and it was most taxing to keep him in school reasonably behaved. The difficulty continued to grow, until I put him in state custody at age 16. He aged out of that, got me evicted from the home we had, and proceeded to spend the next eight years in and out of jail, homeless, jobless 90% of the not in jail time, and fathered multiple children with multiple women. Right now we are not speaking because of the presidential election this year. And honestly, my life is much more peaceful with no (almost) contact with him.
My mom used to say that what you do comes home to you tenfold - well my mother's heart was broken badly over my decisions. This woman's heart may not recover.
Now, I didn't do alot of drugs, I did plenty of drinking, didn't go to jail, but made the most horrible decisions on some friends, especially those of male persuasion.
I remember my mom crying in desperation, begging me to drop the person I was so intent on being with - and more than once we went thru this saga - until at last I just did what she feared most, I married him and had two babies.
Becoming a parent changed me - I wanted to be a shining example to them and was grateful that my past wasn't so bad. There weren't public records to document my stupidity, just a few scars and my mother's broken heart.
And oh how I tried to do everything right for my two children. I insisted they have everything I could think of and almost everything they'd ever ask for. I supported them in school being room mother and going on field trips, always looking out for less fortunate children and trying every way I could to make them proud of themselves and do the right things.
Even after the divorce I struggled to be sure they had everything they needed (high schoolers now) and welcomed all of their friends into our home. Now, said friends would be in two groups in two separate rooms, but they were there and I was comforted that my kids would bring their friends home.
My daughter was a ray of sunshine from the first moment I laid eyes on her. She excelled in everything she did, wasn't too difficult of a teenager, went on to college and graduated, married a man who loves her desperately, is a kind and loving nurse to all of her patients and is a wonderful woman, wife and daughter to me.
My son was a challenge from the get-go. My dad said he was tense, maybe he was? His little fists were clinched from birth and he didn't sleep well for a long time. He had four daycares before kindergarten, (my daughter only two) and it was most taxing to keep him in school reasonably behaved. The difficulty continued to grow, until I put him in state custody at age 16. He aged out of that, got me evicted from the home we had, and proceeded to spend the next eight years in and out of jail, homeless, jobless 90% of the not in jail time, and fathered multiple children with multiple women. Right now we are not speaking because of the presidential election this year. And honestly, my life is much more peaceful with no (almost) contact with him.
My mom used to say that what you do comes home to you tenfold - well my mother's heart was broken badly over my decisions. This woman's heart may not recover.
Saturday, November 5, 2016
Just My Thoughts - First Published Sept 16 2009
Just My Thoughts
Lately, I hear so many folks saying so many negative things
about other people. From the fights on Facebook over politics, to the crazy
things that happen on television award shows, to the insane things talked about
dead folks, and the one that prompted me to write this – the ignorant remarks
of a few college students with whom my daughter has classes.
Each time I’ve heard these comments, read the posts, or generally been exposed to these things, my mind keeps going back to something I heard a little over a year ago. That remark I would like to share and excuse me, but preach for a minute or two.
On July 7, 2008 the plane carrying then presidential candidate Barack Obama had to make an emergency landing. Keep reading – when I was listening to the news reports that afternoon they were playing the tower to plane conversation. The pilot had already radioed that were in trouble and the tower knew it – the tower’s question to the pilot was “How many souls on board?”. The pilot went on to answer “56 souls on board”.
I must say I had an epiphany of sorts at that moment – it hit me like a Mack truck that regardless of WHO we are, we each and everyone have a soul. That soul is transparent to God, meaning it does not matter if you are Obama or the person on the plane that was there to keep water glasses filled, you are a SOUL!
Doesn’t matter how much we may disagree on political matters – makes for lively debate and hopefully, expansion of your mind. Doesn’t matter how ‘liberal’ you may think I am, or how ‘conservative’ you consider yourself. Doesn’t matter if you worshiped in a church with 1000 members on Sunday or if your prayers to God were moaned in desperation. Doesn’t matter if you’re fortunate to work for a corporation that can offer private health care at minimal expense to you or if you are a mother trying to raise your children and need an option to keep them healthy. Doesn’t matter if your dad wrote a check to pay your tuition in full or you are on a full ride scholarship because you worked your butt off in high school to be able to get the education you want.
All of these, and so many many more, are just examples of how we are different and how wonderful this world can be because of our differences. If each and every one of us could only remember that each and every other person was just a SOUL, imagine how wonderful this world would be!
Each time I’ve heard these comments, read the posts, or generally been exposed to these things, my mind keeps going back to something I heard a little over a year ago. That remark I would like to share and excuse me, but preach for a minute or two.
On July 7, 2008 the plane carrying then presidential candidate Barack Obama had to make an emergency landing. Keep reading – when I was listening to the news reports that afternoon they were playing the tower to plane conversation. The pilot had already radioed that were in trouble and the tower knew it – the tower’s question to the pilot was “How many souls on board?”. The pilot went on to answer “56 souls on board”.
I must say I had an epiphany of sorts at that moment – it hit me like a Mack truck that regardless of WHO we are, we each and everyone have a soul. That soul is transparent to God, meaning it does not matter if you are Obama or the person on the plane that was there to keep water glasses filled, you are a SOUL!
Doesn’t matter how much we may disagree on political matters – makes for lively debate and hopefully, expansion of your mind. Doesn’t matter how ‘liberal’ you may think I am, or how ‘conservative’ you consider yourself. Doesn’t matter if you worshiped in a church with 1000 members on Sunday or if your prayers to God were moaned in desperation. Doesn’t matter if you’re fortunate to work for a corporation that can offer private health care at minimal expense to you or if you are a mother trying to raise your children and need an option to keep them healthy. Doesn’t matter if your dad wrote a check to pay your tuition in full or you are on a full ride scholarship because you worked your butt off in high school to be able to get the education you want.
All of these, and so many many more, are just examples of how we are different and how wonderful this world can be because of our differences. If each and every one of us could only remember that each and every other person was just a SOUL, imagine how wonderful this world would be!
Birthday Thoughts - First Published May 31 2010
Birthday THoughts
So, I guess it's no secret as I've posted things this birthday
week, that music has played a big part in my family's life.
I was so very blessed to have parents that loved and appreciated music - all types. We grew up listening to Danny Davis, Billy Vaughn, Lawrence Welk, Dean Martin, The Lovin' Spoonful, Duane Eddy, you name it - my mom probably had the album. What a blessing and legacy they left to us - for the enjoyment and comfort of music through the years has been a tremendous presence.
And, bless their hearts for living through the Beatles, Sweet, Kansas, Lynyrd Skynyrd and Ted Nugent!
I suppose there was more than a time or two they thought maybe having a really nice stereo system in the house might NOT have been a good idea.
Tomorrow I will be big 50! Everything I am today was shaped first by my parents, my siblings, and then my children. I am nothing without them in my life.
I don't know how much longer I have on this earth, but I am so very grateful for the years I've had, the family, the friends, the experiences, good and bad, for all of them are a little part of this package called "Ms. Lisa"!
Love and peace to you all!
I was so very blessed to have parents that loved and appreciated music - all types. We grew up listening to Danny Davis, Billy Vaughn, Lawrence Welk, Dean Martin, The Lovin' Spoonful, Duane Eddy, you name it - my mom probably had the album. What a blessing and legacy they left to us - for the enjoyment and comfort of music through the years has been a tremendous presence.
And, bless their hearts for living through the Beatles, Sweet, Kansas, Lynyrd Skynyrd and Ted Nugent!
I suppose there was more than a time or two they thought maybe having a really nice stereo system in the house might NOT have been a good idea.
Tomorrow I will be big 50! Everything I am today was shaped first by my parents, my siblings, and then my children. I am nothing without them in my life.
I don't know how much longer I have on this earth, but I am so very grateful for the years I've had, the family, the friends, the experiences, good and bad, for all of them are a little part of this package called "Ms. Lisa"!
Love and peace to you all!
A Mother's Love - First Published Feb 25 2013
A Mother's Love
So yesterday was Mom's birthday. I made a comment about it
on Facebook and really enjoyed the comments that came back. Spent the old
day thinking about her and the family as a whole.
You know, our mothers are the first person we know and the only
one that will ever know us inside and out. Moms hear and feel your
heartbeat from the inside, feel the first movement as you begin to wiggle
fingers and toes and the movements where her dress jumps, your heel is pushed
almost through her abdomen, or the times when it feels like you're stomping
your way out of the womb. No one else will ever know how you felt growing
and developing in her body.
Your mom is usually the first person (after the doc maybe) your
little eyes don't focus on - but believe me - mom knows you in that first look.
And until you feel that wave of emotion that passes through your body
when you see that baby for the first time, you cannot ever know exactly how
your Mother felt nor appreciate just how much she loved you.
As I begin to raise my kids, there were moments I realized how
my mom must have felt (usually if I felt disappointed, because I know I
disappointed her several times. There were moments I opened my mouth and
my Mom came out - shocking, but then I had to admit how very right she had
been!! Times when I stopped for a minute just to say a prayer of thanks
for the Mom I'd had, the way she'd raised me, and how blessed I had been.
And at this stage in life, a deep understanding and appreciation for all
of her love and sacrifice because there is no end to what a mother will do for
her kids.
Mom and I had a conversation just a couple of weeks before she
died in which she was giving me instructions on how to handle arrangements,
etc. She went on to say that raising us hadn't always been easy, but they
(she and Dad) had gotten lucky, they'd good kids. I told her we were the
lucky ones!! Tears came to her eyes as she said "thank you for
saying that".
I never spoke truer words.
I guess I must have a point here - and it's this - tell your
parents how you really feel about them and don't wait until it's too late.
You'll be glad you did and you'll be able to enjoy the memories without a
lot of sorrow.
2013 - The Year of the Concert - First Published Nov 13 2013
2013 - The Year of the Concert
As most of you know, I dubbed 2013 the year of the concert
several months ago when I made a decision to try and see every show I wanted to
and could. As we near the end of the year, I am satisfied and happy with
the choices and shows, and done for the year. The cold weather has
finally arrived in Nashville, and that is my cue to hibernate as much as
possible for the next three or four months.
Early spring started and the first show was Kid Rock! What
an awesome show! I was accompanied by my daughter, Lisa Renee Martin, and
we had a great time! I think she enjoyed watching me jump around and
chair dance the most!! She said it was disturbing that I knew all the
words to "Crazy Bitch" by Buckcherry - but hey, what can I say?
I will say this, it took me three or four days to recover from Kid Rock!
Note to self, you are not as young as you once were!!
Second concert of the year was to see The Four Tops and The
Temptations! This was my first show at the Ryman - very glad to see the
Temptations with Otis Williams. Last year, Renee, Marg, Sheila and I had
seen the Temptation Review with Dennis Edwards - so life is complete!
I've seen as many of the Temps as I can. I sang some but I DID NOT
wear myself out!
In May I went to see Elton John at the Bridgestone! It was
my third, and probably last, time to see him. Renee and her husband Chris
Estes went with me. It was a great show - although we were in the top top
section and I couldn't really look around to see how high we were. Thank
goodness for jumbo trans!
The next concert I bought tickets for was this little band I dearly
love - Alabama Shakes. I ended up not going, a decision I do not regret,
and was very glad my friend and work buddy Kathy Biss Bates enjoyed the
tickets. I will hold out to see them until they are playing an inside
venue!
In October, I was greatly pleased to be accompanied by my
brother, Mike Furkins, to see the Eagles! What an incredible show!
We had a great time, it had been 20+ years since we'd been to a concert
together. I can imagine a better time being had by two folks - and I'm so
glad to share this memory with him!
I did make it to one Nashville Symphony show - my old pal Sherry
Sloan accompanied me. We enjoyed catching up before the show and then the
show was awesome! I'd never seen a piano with a keyboard at both ends -
pretty amazing piece of equipment! I have season tickets to the symphony,
so I'll be attending some shows in 2014.
The grand finale was a trip Monday night back to the Ryman to
see Lynyrd Skynyrd. It was Lynn's birthday and he was my guest. We
had a great time and the show was wonderful! It was sobering to see how
the guys have aged (well, I have too) but amazing to see how they could still
jam! Lynn said he thought their fingers would fall off!!
I am a very blessed woman - and this year has been lots of fun!
50 Years Ago Today - What I Remember - First Published Nov 22 2013
50 Years Ago Today - What I
Remember
Fifty years ago today, I remember quite alot, even if I was only
3 1/2 years old.
My family lived in the tiny little town of Burkesville,
Kentucky. Dad worked at Burkesville Transfer and Mom was working at the
sewing factory - and I don't remember it's name.
We had a young girl, she was probably 18 or 19 at the time, who
kept me, Mike, who was about to turn 2 on Christmas Day, and Larry who was only
7 months old. Her name was Evinois - and my memories of her all are quite
fond. She was a loving soul who cared for us three little white kids like
we were her own. Our whole family loved her and she remained in our lives
years after we moved away. That's a whole other note!
Evinois watched "As the World Turns" faithfully
everyday. And while I didn't have a clue what was going on - I'd watch
too. During the program, there was an interruption that said President
Kennedy had been shot. Now, I didn't know who he was, but I was quite
concerned that Evinois was upset. When the second interruption came on to
say he had died, she burst into tears, big tears! I was scared and
bewildered but I remember her comforting me to calm my fears.
The house we lived in had three porches - one fully across the
back and front and one side. We had gone outside to the front porch, all
the neighbors on the street had done the same. It was only a short while
until my Mom came walking up the street - when the President died, her company
closed and sent everyone home. She had walked the mile or so, I imagine
as quickly as possible, to get home to us.
As she came across the yard from the street, I ran to meet her.
Evinois was holding Larry and Mike was toddling around on the porch.
Mom and Evinois looked at each other, my Mom said "What in the
world?" and they hugged. I remember us all going back inside and so
began the first marathon of t.v. watching during a tragedy.
As a kid, I had no real idea of what had happened. I knew
my parents and everyone around me was upset and there was a sense of shaky
ground to everything. As days wore on, I'm sure my little world went back
to normal.
But our whole world never quite returned to normal. This
week I've watched hours about the anniversary, etc. I have enjoyed Bob
Schieffer's recount of the story as a young print reporter of that day and all
the other stories that have been shared. It was truly a time of loss of
innocence for this country.
Food Stamps - First Published Jan 15 2014
Food Stamps
I thought a while before I share the posting on food stamps.
This is one of those things I actually have a little experience with, and
have a lot of thoughts about.
In 2005 I found myself without a job or income and facing
disability. My doctor had been telling me for a couple of years I should
quit work, but I didn't want to. Alas, things changed drastically all in
one day.
I went to DHS - which is another rant for another day - and
applied for food stamps and TennCare since I'd also lost my health insurance.
I had full custody of my two children, and at that point, was not
receivng ANY child support from their dad.
I got TennCare and food stamps in the amount of $293.00 per
month for three folks. Right then, the kids were still in school so they
automatically got free breakfast and free lunch. But stretching $293.00
for 30-32 days for three folks is not easy. Food stamps are supposedly
calculated at $1.00 per meal per person when there are no other
resources.
It was all I had to spend on food so it meant that there were no
quickie things - no microwave stuff and no junk food. I know how to cook,
how to cook for leftovers, and how to remake those into something new. I
can do wonders with a bag of dried beans and a sack of potatoes - and was glad
many times I'd grown up the way I had. We didn't eat out, but we never
missed a meal!
I was blessed in that my social security disability was
approved in less than 90 days - imagine that - even they thought I was have
been going to die soon. I only got the food stamps for the 6 months until
my SS check came - and that's the way the program was meant to be utilized - as
a tool to get from point A to point B without being hungry.
My points are: If you get food stamps and that is truly
how and what you feed your family - there is not money for tattoos, beer,
partying of any kind. If I see you in the store paying for food with an
EBT card and you are tatted up one side and down the other, I don't know if you
got those first, before some tragedy struck, or if you're lying to the system.
ANY kind of assistance is meant to be TEMPORARY - it's not for
you to live your whole life on because you lie or choose not to do better.
That's laziness and trifling and is not to be tolerated.
Showing Respect and Reverence for Sacrifices Made - First Published Jan 24 2014
Showing Respect and Reverence for
Sacrifices Made
Today I watched the video about a funeral in Arlington during
the recent snowstorm.
Close to 30 years ago now I was very fortunate to be to McLean,
VA on temporary duty for my employer at the time. McLean is a suburb of
Washington DC. I would be there 8 weeks.
During that time, several of the other members of the team and I
visited DC as often as possible to see as much as possible during our time
there. We were working very hard all day, and playing even harder when we
got home.
One evening our trip was to Arlington National Cemetery. We
got there in the afternoon and stayed until ordered to leave when the park was
closing. We got to see a changing of the guard at the Tomb of the
Unknown, and all of the other mainstays - the Challenger Memorial, JFK's grave
and flame, and a few others I can't recall exactly.
What I do remember is this - the overwhelming feel of respect,
reverence and pride. Respect for what all of those buried there had done
and for the humans they were, reverence for the sacrifices they had made and
for what our country stood and stands for, and pride in being an American.
I could truly feel that we have a magnificent rich heritage and each of
us has reason to be proud of that.
Everyday, I see place and things that need to be fixed, people
too. And I don't have all the answers. I don't think any one of us
actually does. But I do know this, I am proud to have been BORN in
America, (a little prouder that I was born in the South), and I am glad I CAN
work and pay taxes and I will NEVER fail to exercise my right to vote.
And, if I ever forget any of those things, I hope something
comes along and reminds me how I felt in Arlington!
AND - by all means, visit Washington DC sometime in your
lifetime! It is well worth the effort!
Beatlemania and Me - First Published Feb 9 2014
Beatlemania and Me
It was 50 years ago today - sound familiar! Well, I
remember it well. I was not quite four yet, we were living in
Burkesville, KY and had gone to Glasgow to visit Pampie (my great-grandmother)
and Grandma (Mom's mom).
When we got over to Grandma's house, the Ed Sullivan Show had
come on and I was watching when he introduced "The Beatles". I
surely didn't know alot at that time in life, but I knew one thing, I
liked The Beatles. A lot!!
So began the last 50 years of countless hours of listening,
singing along, playing along on piano or flute, and reading everything I could
get my hands on about them. And the Internet sure did make all of that
even easier!
I was at my Pampie's house, sitting on her front porch glider
while she read the newspaper to me, the day Ringo Starr became a father for the
first time. Twenty five years later I was home on maternity leave with
Renee when I read in the paper that Ringo had become a grandfather!
Early on the morning of December 8, I woke up to a Beatles song
playing. I hit the snooze and when my nine minutes were up, another
Beatles song was playing. As I lay there listening, when the next song
started with no interruption I sat straight up in bed and said "OMG - one
of them is dead".
I still have the Time magazine that featured George Harrison the
week after his death.
When I was twelve, for Christmas I got a stereo and two sets of
Beatle compilation albums - the red and blue covered ones. I must have
listened to them until the grooves were gone! My Mom told me years later
that she and my Dad had thought they would die if they had to hear the Beatles
one more time!
The summer I turned 50 years old, Paul McCartney came to
Nashville for the first time in 38 years. Not only did I get to share
that night with Paul, but with my daughter Renee. It was literally one of
the best nights of my life.
Tonight I'll be watching as the Grammy Salutes The Beatles is on
television. I'll sing along, laugh and I'm sure tear up at some scenes.
I'll be both happy for the times had and sad for the ones missed.
Thank you to The Beatles for a lifetime of songs and smiles!
An Eventful Week - First Published Mar 14 2014
An Eventful Week
What a week it has been! Monday came and so did my first
grandchild - Cameron Rondale Martin! Honestly, I had no idea that my
heart could ever swell more with love and pride, but it did. It was a
marvelous feeling, like falling in love, and I'm so very grateful.
Wednesday marked a milestone in my life that is bittersweet.
Amy mentioned it in her post that it would have been our Daddy's 77th
birthday! It's so hard to believe that he has been gone 19 years - and oh
how I missed him more this week than I've ever known I could miss him.
There have been so many days I wished I could just talk to him
for a minute, could just hug him again, or see his sheepish grin when he'd got
us and knew it. But, when I went to meet Cameron on Wednesday and looked
down into that little precious face, I thought about my Daddy.
Daddy was my first visitor in recovery after Renee was born.
He was a quiet man, but the conversation we had in those few minutes is
etched forever in my brain and only this week, looking down into the face of my
little grandson, did I really have a clue what my Daddy was feeling that day.
Long years of hard work, hopes and prayers and his child had become
a parent. He got to see that two more times before he had to leave us -
I am so grateful for that!
I know my Dad would be so very proud of Renee, Lynn, Meaghan and
Austin! Renee has graduated from college and gotten married, Meaghan has
one year left of college, Lynn has become a father and Austin starts high
school in August. I can imagine he'd be beaming with a huge smile and
pride and I hope all four of these kids know what a special treasure that man
truly was, to his family and friends and to the world.
I love you Daddy, now more than ever!
Remembering Those Lost This Year - First published Dec 7 2014
Remembering Those Lost This Year
I've meant to write this for awhile now, but it seems rather
appropriate with the season we are in.
In the last 14 months I lost three aunts. I'd like to
remember each of them today.
Last October my Mom's only sister (and sibling) passed away.
When I was a child and trying to become a young woman, I was the only
niece on that side of the family as Amy was born when I was almost thirteen.
Martha Jean tended to spoil me some, in fact quite a bit. Everytime
we ever stopped to visit, she'd have something for me. A purse she'd had
made by a woman she worked with, hair barettes, and when I reached 11 or 12,
she'd always have panty hose for me! That had to be the coolest gift -
Mom was not quite ready for me to cross that bridge, but Martha kept me in
hose.
There were times she and Mom would be on the outs - as only
siblings can understand and will happen from time to time. After Mom
died, there wasn't but a handful of Saturday nights that Martha and I did not
chat by phone. The last three or four years neither of us could travel so
we had not seen each other, but we always talked. Thru those
conversations we shared our lives and memories and filled in blanks for each
other. She encouraged me when Lynn was acting up and I reciprocated when
Robbie was doing the same. We cried together over good memories and bad
things - like Robbie's motorcycle accident. And we laughed - A LOT of
laughing!
We'd discussed the end as she knew it was near - and the last
words I heard her say was "I love you Lisa Gayle". She died the
next day and I miss her everyday in this world. It's a different miss
than my Momma but I'd love to talk to her again. Narry a Saturday night
goes by that I don't think, after I'm settled in bed, that it's phone call
time.
Last May, my cousin Mylinda called me to say that Bertha had
been killed in a car wreck. Bertha was my Uncle Kyle's wife, Kyle was one
of my Dad's brothers. I didn't know her as well as I now wished I had,
but me and Kyle, well sometimes we didn't get along too well. What I
remember most about Bertha was her describing the first time she saw Kyle
walking down the street. She loved that man with all she had and that's
all that matters to me. And Kyle could put a person through some hell,
forgive me and may his soul rest in peace, but the truth is the truth!
Her love and devotion puts her on a high shelf with me and I only
wish I'd stayed in touch with her more. Facebook is pretty amazing in one
aspect - we had reconnected and shared a few things, including pictures.
One of her sisters has moved into The Towers and we've become friends and
have shared and I feel very blessed to have this opportunity to get to know
Bertha better.
In June, my aunt Betty died, after a similar battle to Martha's
complicated by cancer. Betty was married to Harry, my Dad's youngest
brother. They were only about 8 years old than me - more like older
siblings. I was 14 when they married so Betty was around for all of the
hard stuff a young person goes through. There were a lot of times she
offered encouragement without comdemnation and for that I'll eternally be
grateful. Sometimes, a person needs someone to not pass judgement!
Betty and Harry got a new Cobra II around 1976 or so - it was
white with the blue markings - just perfect! And a four speed?
Maybe, something manual. Anyway, I was getting to driving age and
bless Betty's heart, she tried to teach me. Now, anyone who knows my past
knows I was a horrible driver for years and it wasn't her fault I just couldn't
grasp it at all, but she tried, right out on Nolensville Road in that Cobra.
I'm not sure anybody else knew that until today??
By the time I graduated from high school, they'd had Mylinda and
Jeremy and were very busy. But I still saw them pretty often, Betty would
invite us for soup and chili - she sure made a mean pot of both and the best
cornbread I've ever eaten. When I had the big wreck, Betty and Harry came
to Stallworth to see me. They brought potato soup and cornbread!
YUMMY!
The only time I remember Betty being anything less than 100% in
my corner was when I got engaged. And even then, she only said "I
can't be happy for you". And when the time came that the marriage
ended, etc. she didn't say "I told you so". Betty was a
kind and generous soul and I'm glad to have known and loved her.
This time of year lots of things come to mind - Christmas's past
and Christmas's future (especially since I have grandchildren now) but in this
Christmas present I'd like to remember the ones who left this year and what
they meant to me!
Challenge to Pray - first posted Sept 5 2015
Challenge to Pray
My post yesterday was inspired by all the rhetoric I hear about
Mexicans and Muslims and how they are ruining our country. I don't agree
with that at all - but I was led to share some personal thoughts on prayer.
The Islamic faith dictates prayer at least 5 times per day and
each prayer ritual is from 10-15 minutes in length. So for the sake of my
pending argument, let's go with 5 x 10 and count 50 minutes per day in
dedicated prayer.
Even though I say a prayer in the morning and something longer
in the evening and a few sentence prayers through the day, "Give me
strength", etc. I don't come close to spending 50 minutes a day praying.
So today I am challenging myself and all of you to spend at
least 50 minutes a day in prayer. Earnest prayer - where you really talk
to God and let him communicate to you! Pray sincerely - not just words
but what's really on your heart. Praise Him for who He is, all powerful
and omnipotent. Confess your sins asking for forgiveness and
fortification not to repeat them. Thank Him for everything He's provided,
including this world we live in. Ask for what you need.
I just think if we'd all spend at least 50 minutes a day
praying, we could really see some changes. If nowhere else but in our own
lives, which will in turn, change the world.
Friday, November 4, 2016
Reflections - First posted Dec 31 2-15
Reflections
The
time between Thanksgiving and New Years is always a time of reflection for me.
It starts when I think about everything I have been and am thankful for in my
life, carries thru the Christmas spirit and on to New Years, where I don’t make
resolutions so much anymore but set goals and try to improve life for me and
those around me.
2015
was a fairly difficult year for me and most of the ones I love. There has been
more than our share of sickness, yours truly spent 104 days in VUMC or Richland
Place Rehabilitation Center trying to shake a MRSA infection in my bloodstream.
I didn’t look as sick as I felt, I hope, but it was nasty and I’m glad it’s
behind me. I am very thankful for the medical treatment and PT and OT for
getting me back on a tolerable path.
A
couple of days ago I thought I had this new year coming in figured out, at
least what I was going to be doing for most of it. There are still some primary
goals, finish the kid’s scrapbooks, continue to purge and downsize, a couple of
new pieces of furniture I want to buy. But, there are a few more changes I plan
to make, no definite plans yet, but I had an epiphany yesterday about myself
and what I deserve that is a game changer.
I think
my point is that although John Mellencamp said “life goes on, even after the
thrill of living is gone” it is up to each of us to put the thrill back in our
lives. Stay tuned!
A
wonderful, safe and healthy New Year to each and everyone of you!
We Pray for Children
We Pray for
Children
This
was written by Ina J. Hughes and published in 1995. My first exposure to it was
in a training at the YMCA and I was asked to read it out loud. Parts of it were
easy - other parts - and you’ll know which ones - were heart wrenching and I
could barely get thru them. I made it, but not without tears and not without my
heart forever being changed to the children of this world and their plights.
We pray
for children who sneak popsicles before supper,who erase holes in math
workbooks, who can never find their shoes.
And we
pray, for those who stare at photographers from behind barbed wire,who can't
bound down the street in a new pair of sneakers, who never "counted
potatoes," who are born in places where we wouldn't be caught dead ,who
never go to the circus ,who live in an X-rated world.
We pray
for childrenwho bring us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions, Who sleep
with the cat and bury goldfish, Who hug us in a hurry and forget their lunch
money, Who squeeze toothpaste all over the sink, Who slurp their soup.
And we
pray for thosewho never get dessert, who have no safe blanket to drag behind
them, who watch their parents watch them die,who can't find any bread to steal,
who don't have any rooms to clean up, whose pictures aren't on anybody's
dresser, whose monsters are real.
We pray
for children who spend all their allowance before Tuesday, who throw tantrums
in the grocery store and pick at their food, who like ghost stories, who shove
dirty clothes under the bed,and never rinse out the tub, who get visits from
the tooth fairy, who don't like to be kissed in front of the carpool, who
squirm in church or temple and scream in the phone, whose tears we sometimes
laugh atand whose smiles can make us cry.
And we
pray for those whose nightmares come in the daytime, who will eat anything, who
have never seen a dentist, who aren't spoiled by anybody, who go to bed hungry
and cry themselves to sleep, who live and move, but have no being.
We pray
for children who want to be carried and for those who must,for those we never
give up on and for those who don't get a second chance. For those we
smother…and for those who will grab the hand of anybody kind enough to offer
it.
We pray
for children. Amen
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