Tomorrow is the date my daughter's baby boy, Loki, was due to be born.
Today I got up and the tears started, it hurts no less today than it did on May 8 when she told me the baby's heart had stopped. And no less than May 9 when she had a surgical procedure to remove her baby boy. And no less than everyday since then.
Oh, as Nena I've got other grandsons to love on. But I missed seeing Loki, or getting to know him. Sharing with him, laughing when he did things I would have spanked Renee for doing, teaching him little things like I'm his mommy's mommy - that's always fun to teach children.
But the worst thing of all is to see my baby still hurting like she does. Tomorrow will be a hard day for her, she's not planning on working, and I hope she can find some peace somewhere, if only for a few hours.
Maybe, in her grief, she can find some solace. Right now she's 11 weeks pregnant and things look good so far. Oh Lord, please don't let my baby be heartbroken again. Lord please let this baby make it to be born and both of them be okay, I pray so hard and everyday for this. and I cry, lots of big momma tears, like my baby's cried.
Tuesday, October 23, 2018
Friday, October 5, 2018
Me Too
I have given this so much thought and decided to share my 'me too' moment, if only on this blog. There will be a time that someone will read it, probably my daughter and my sister. It's not something I've dwelled on or have let it influence me on a daily, but, everything kept in the dark will come to the light.
Back in late 1968 or early 1969 we were living in Glasgow KY and Kyle was staying with us while on leave from the Marines. At the time, Larry was sleeping with me in my room. I guess Kyle was in one of the boys bunk beds. I don't remember if Bob was there yet and Mike was on the couch, but either way, Larry was sleeping with me. We were 5 and 8 at the time.
Kyle came into the room and got into bed with us. He was drunk and was talking to us about the kids in Vietnam who had to eat bugs just to have something to eat. During that time he pulled me very close to him and begin rubbing my buttocks. I didn't really understand what was happening, except that I was very scared.
I don't remember any other touching and shortly Mom came to the door of my room and told him to come back to the kitchen. It was never discussed or even acknowledged. And, child like I must have forgotten it pretty soon.
The memories returned to me several years later when Kyle had moved back into our house, this time with a wife and two sons. His drinking was out of control and his mouth was so mean. By that time, I was about 15 or 16, and was overweight. Not much by today's standards for sure, but in the mid 70's enough for me to never have a date, etc.
He reminded me of that and berated me often. I had wanted a Mustang as long as I could remember, he even went as far as to tell me Mom and Dad had bought one, but I would only get it if and when I lost the weight. Needless to say, none of that was true. Through the years Kyle and I would butt heads more than once - it was just a war of words - and Mom defended him to the end of the world.
I didn't think too much about the 'assault' until right after I'd married and then Ronnie Martin accused me of sleeping with my brother. I was deeply hurt by those comments and this memory came back to me again. I always thought it was because, if I'd married a normal man, I could have shared that pain. No way would I have ever let Ronnie know and never did.
The only person in my life who has ever know this story was my very dear friend Tammy Barrett. Tammy and I were sisters from different mothers, we were so much alike and had a deep bond from the moment we met. We were almost clones of each other - it was so funny to us!
I never did make peace of any kind with Kyle. The last time I saw him alive was at Larry's house. Larry and Mike played some music and Kyle sang. After the song, he hugged the boys and mom and said "I love you guys". I just stood on the opposite side of the room and we looked at each other, but no words passed and no hugs either. I never knew what he remembered.
I realize that this moment in my life does not compare to some of the horrors other women have endured. But to me, it was horrific and I can see where it impacted me on a very personal level. I never fully shared my heart with any man ever. And, there were men in my life who had no place at all. For that I take full responsibility, I just wonder how things may have been different without the shame and pain I've felt.
Back in late 1968 or early 1969 we were living in Glasgow KY and Kyle was staying with us while on leave from the Marines. At the time, Larry was sleeping with me in my room. I guess Kyle was in one of the boys bunk beds. I don't remember if Bob was there yet and Mike was on the couch, but either way, Larry was sleeping with me. We were 5 and 8 at the time.
Kyle came into the room and got into bed with us. He was drunk and was talking to us about the kids in Vietnam who had to eat bugs just to have something to eat. During that time he pulled me very close to him and begin rubbing my buttocks. I didn't really understand what was happening, except that I was very scared.
I don't remember any other touching and shortly Mom came to the door of my room and told him to come back to the kitchen. It was never discussed or even acknowledged. And, child like I must have forgotten it pretty soon.
The memories returned to me several years later when Kyle had moved back into our house, this time with a wife and two sons. His drinking was out of control and his mouth was so mean. By that time, I was about 15 or 16, and was overweight. Not much by today's standards for sure, but in the mid 70's enough for me to never have a date, etc.
He reminded me of that and berated me often. I had wanted a Mustang as long as I could remember, he even went as far as to tell me Mom and Dad had bought one, but I would only get it if and when I lost the weight. Needless to say, none of that was true. Through the years Kyle and I would butt heads more than once - it was just a war of words - and Mom defended him to the end of the world.
I didn't think too much about the 'assault' until right after I'd married and then Ronnie Martin accused me of sleeping with my brother. I was deeply hurt by those comments and this memory came back to me again. I always thought it was because, if I'd married a normal man, I could have shared that pain. No way would I have ever let Ronnie know and never did.
The only person in my life who has ever know this story was my very dear friend Tammy Barrett. Tammy and I were sisters from different mothers, we were so much alike and had a deep bond from the moment we met. We were almost clones of each other - it was so funny to us!
I never did make peace of any kind with Kyle. The last time I saw him alive was at Larry's house. Larry and Mike played some music and Kyle sang. After the song, he hugged the boys and mom and said "I love you guys". I just stood on the opposite side of the room and we looked at each other, but no words passed and no hugs either. I never knew what he remembered.
I realize that this moment in my life does not compare to some of the horrors other women have endured. But to me, it was horrific and I can see where it impacted me on a very personal level. I never fully shared my heart with any man ever. And, there were men in my life who had no place at all. For that I take full responsibility, I just wonder how things may have been different without the shame and pain I've felt.
Saturday, May 12, 2018
Grief so Deep
On Tuesday of this week, my daughter went for a regular doctor's appointment and found out her little baby didn't have a heartbeat.
Devastation - pure and utter devastation. That's the only word I can think of about how this feels.
My sister had suffered two miscarriages, both fairly early. My sister in law had also, at least that's the story. I know there was one for sure one.
Those hurt, especially for my sister who is so very important to me.
I don't know what to say to my daughter and I don't know how to comfort her. I feel very sad myself, another sweet little boy grandchild, but lost before he could be born. I was hoping for a girl, but I didn't care as long as both of them were ok. And, now they are not.
I had prayed for her and the baby to both be okay. And I told God if he needed to take me to allow her baby to get her healthy and she be good, I was okay with that. I would go. But, that wasn't the plan.
She and the baby's father decided to name him - Loki - the God of chaos and mischief. Somehow, that's so very fitting and I can just see the little mister.
When my mom died, sometimes my daughter would be mad at me. She didn't think I showed enough emotion and took that for me not caring. She never knew how much I grieved, and still do, in solitude. I've done the same for a sweet precious baby, her baby, that I'll never get to hold or watch all the first steps like sitting up, standing, walking, school, etc.
And tomorrow is Mother's Day. What do I say? I had planned a shopping trip to get her something special with a mom- to - be card. I never went, and I think tomorrow if NO ONE mentions Mother's Day to me I will be quite okay with that!
Devastation - pure and utter devastation. That's the only word I can think of about how this feels.
My sister had suffered two miscarriages, both fairly early. My sister in law had also, at least that's the story. I know there was one for sure one.
Those hurt, especially for my sister who is so very important to me.
I don't know what to say to my daughter and I don't know how to comfort her. I feel very sad myself, another sweet little boy grandchild, but lost before he could be born. I was hoping for a girl, but I didn't care as long as both of them were ok. And, now they are not.
I had prayed for her and the baby to both be okay. And I told God if he needed to take me to allow her baby to get her healthy and she be good, I was okay with that. I would go. But, that wasn't the plan.
She and the baby's father decided to name him - Loki - the God of chaos and mischief. Somehow, that's so very fitting and I can just see the little mister.
When my mom died, sometimes my daughter would be mad at me. She didn't think I showed enough emotion and took that for me not caring. She never knew how much I grieved, and still do, in solitude. I've done the same for a sweet precious baby, her baby, that I'll never get to hold or watch all the first steps like sitting up, standing, walking, school, etc.
And tomorrow is Mother's Day. What do I say? I had planned a shopping trip to get her something special with a mom- to - be card. I never went, and I think tomorrow if NO ONE mentions Mother's Day to me I will be quite okay with that!
Tuesday, April 17, 2018
Is there really normal?
Lots of time for reflection in retirement.
Lately, I've spent some time on that - maybe because I see my kids going through so much and I wonder how in the world my mom stood the four of us. I only have two, and there is something to grieve, at least I'm doing so, in everyday.
Sometimes I wonder what if - I'm sure most people do. Life didn't turn out like I planned - but whose does?
When I got in my mid twenties I began to think about old age, growing old alone, posterity, etc. And I wanted to be normal. You know, falling love, getting married, having children, growing old together, sitting on the porch surrounded by grandkids. Somewhat like described in "Steel Magnolias".
And there was someone paying me a lot of attention, so I just let go and let it happen. I fell in love, got married, but not the wedding I'd wanted. I had the children, and while raising kids is not for sissies, it was so much harder because I didn't really have a partner. Of course, a divorce came. And the kids are grown! There are grandchildren - right now all little boys and I don't really see two of them at all, the other two do visit, but none of them belong to a family unit with mom and dad. All these little boys being raised by single moms.
And there's a new one on the way - I hope it's a girl - but as long as it and my own baby are healthy - I'll be okay. My daughter is going thru a divorce and the soon to be ex is not the baby's father.
So - are the normal American family? From where I sit it looks like it - so few people marry any more - and multiple children with various parentage in a single woman led household seems to be the very normality of life in America.
Where do we go from here?
Hey - wasn't that a song - yep - in Buffy the Musical!!
Lately, I've spent some time on that - maybe because I see my kids going through so much and I wonder how in the world my mom stood the four of us. I only have two, and there is something to grieve, at least I'm doing so, in everyday.
Sometimes I wonder what if - I'm sure most people do. Life didn't turn out like I planned - but whose does?
When I got in my mid twenties I began to think about old age, growing old alone, posterity, etc. And I wanted to be normal. You know, falling love, getting married, having children, growing old together, sitting on the porch surrounded by grandkids. Somewhat like described in "Steel Magnolias".
And there was someone paying me a lot of attention, so I just let go and let it happen. I fell in love, got married, but not the wedding I'd wanted. I had the children, and while raising kids is not for sissies, it was so much harder because I didn't really have a partner. Of course, a divorce came. And the kids are grown! There are grandchildren - right now all little boys and I don't really see two of them at all, the other two do visit, but none of them belong to a family unit with mom and dad. All these little boys being raised by single moms.
And there's a new one on the way - I hope it's a girl - but as long as it and my own baby are healthy - I'll be okay. My daughter is going thru a divorce and the soon to be ex is not the baby's father.
So - are the normal American family? From where I sit it looks like it - so few people marry any more - and multiple children with various parentage in a single woman led household seems to be the very normality of life in America.
Where do we go from here?
Hey - wasn't that a song - yep - in Buffy the Musical!!
Tuesday, March 27, 2018
Grieving Yourself
Grieving for yourself and your death - is that normal?
I've kicked around plans and ideas for my service, etc. for awhile. I made a list of songs, etc. I've got a will, an advance directive and hopefully, some plan for the disposal of my body (I hope to go to the Body Farm in Knoxville!)
There are times when I'm sad about other things and I think about what happens after I leave. My children are 27 and 29. Will they be ok? Have I done enough for them? Well, I don't like my answers to myself and that causes me great despair.
But I grieve, for their loss but mostly for mine. I won't see them become 40 years old, maybe not even see Lynn turn 30. I grieve because I won't see my grandchildren become adults. The oldest one just turned four - who am I kidding?
If history repeats itself, I've got somewhere between 9 and 15 months left. My dad died at 58 - so did his dad. I will be 58 on June 1 - so I'm fully expecting to go next winter when my semi-yearly battle with MRSA comes to call.
But I'm going to refuse to go! I've built so much strength the last few months - I refuse to think there is so little time left.
And, when I do let that reality creep into my mind, I grieve. For a life that I've loved, even in it's harshest moments, to the babies I will leave behind, because they will all always be babies to me.
I've kicked around plans and ideas for my service, etc. for awhile. I made a list of songs, etc. I've got a will, an advance directive and hopefully, some plan for the disposal of my body (I hope to go to the Body Farm in Knoxville!)
There are times when I'm sad about other things and I think about what happens after I leave. My children are 27 and 29. Will they be ok? Have I done enough for them? Well, I don't like my answers to myself and that causes me great despair.
But I grieve, for their loss but mostly for mine. I won't see them become 40 years old, maybe not even see Lynn turn 30. I grieve because I won't see my grandchildren become adults. The oldest one just turned four - who am I kidding?
If history repeats itself, I've got somewhere between 9 and 15 months left. My dad died at 58 - so did his dad. I will be 58 on June 1 - so I'm fully expecting to go next winter when my semi-yearly battle with MRSA comes to call.
But I'm going to refuse to go! I've built so much strength the last few months - I refuse to think there is so little time left.
And, when I do let that reality creep into my mind, I grieve. For a life that I've loved, even in it's harshest moments, to the babies I will leave behind, because they will all always be babies to me.
Monday, March 26, 2018
A Mother's Tears
In the last thirty years, I've shed tears for many reasons. Happiness, pride swelling in my chest to almost burst my eyeballs out, physical pain that left me barely able to whimper, fear that left me speechless and silent heartbreak at losing a loved one I couldn't imagine being in this world without.
But, none of those compare to a mother's tears when her child is bawling their eyes out in anguish and pain and confusion and despair.
I've had to see both of my children with these kind of tears this week. They are in very different situations, but, they are both hurting. And no mother can stand that - there's nothing to do with these times but just keep pushing. It will get better, it will get different, and this won't seem so bad a year from now. Mostly because there'll be the next rung of the ladder that will probably be worse!
How do you encourage your child to keep going, even when that going is so hard and rough? Because that's the only choice.
Today my son has threatened to take his life. This is not the first time, and probably won't be the last. But today his anguish is palatable, I can taste it, I feel it in my bones and hear it in his sobs.
And in all their anguish, I cry. Rivers of tears. And I cry out to God, please help me to help them! Tell me what to do or say to ease their pain. Help them, dear Lord, to keep pushing.
And today, I want my own mother to cry to.
But, none of those compare to a mother's tears when her child is bawling their eyes out in anguish and pain and confusion and despair.
I've had to see both of my children with these kind of tears this week. They are in very different situations, but, they are both hurting. And no mother can stand that - there's nothing to do with these times but just keep pushing. It will get better, it will get different, and this won't seem so bad a year from now. Mostly because there'll be the next rung of the ladder that will probably be worse!
How do you encourage your child to keep going, even when that going is so hard and rough? Because that's the only choice.
Today my son has threatened to take his life. This is not the first time, and probably won't be the last. But today his anguish is palatable, I can taste it, I feel it in my bones and hear it in his sobs.
And in all their anguish, I cry. Rivers of tears. And I cry out to God, please help me to help them! Tell me what to do or say to ease their pain. Help them, dear Lord, to keep pushing.
And today, I want my own mother to cry to.
Tuesday, March 13, 2018
What ye sow, so shall ye reap!
Well, if I never knew the meaning of these words, I do now.
I'm very sad, more sad that I've ever been that I can remember. I've blogged many times about being a mom and some of those hardships, but the last seven days have been so bad that I truly wonder why I'm still breathing.
Last Monday my daughter, whom I love so very dearly, and have been so very proud of her whole life, came to tell me she was pregnant. That should have been a very happy announcement and one that I've actually prayed about. She's 29, has Protein S deficiency and PCOS. Becoming pregnant and maintaining a pregnancy full term would be a huge accomplishment, if it happened at all, and we've known this and discussed it.
She has been married almost six years to a man she dated five, but in the last few months they'd hit a rough spot. I guess more than a rough spot, since her husband is not the father of her child.
I have no clue what to say. The thoughts in my head are not nice. And I've cussed out a few people in the last week that probably didn't deserve it, but I'm lashing out.
There's no fixing any of this. Her husband is heartbroken, but standing beside her. I can't decide if he's a saint or stupid beyond words. The sperm donor is not free - he has a wife and child that is almost two. He doesn't work consistently, still lives with his mom and not someone I think I can ever accept the way I have her husband, nor love either. Right now, I think I hate him.
BUT that may be because 30 years I was in a similar situation. The man I married, before I got pregnant, had to get divorced first. And they didn't have any children. But today none of that is any comfort. I set a pattern, I sowed a bad seed and now I will reap what I've sown.
I will not only know the heartbreak my mother felt, but feel it times ten. And I know that in 7 1/2 months, if we have a little baby, I will be so filled with love that some of this will fade.
The worse part is having no one to turn to - no one to share the pain with. My mom and dad are gone and her dad wouldn't care that this hurts me, in fact he'd probably find it perfectly fine and funny. So, not only do I feel the weight of ten worlds on my shoulders and my heart hurts so bad, I don't know why it beats, I am standing alone.
Years ago, my Mom told me I was making a bed so hard I couldn't lie in it. I thought she was crazy, but I now understand. I'm paying, and I suspect I've only scratched the surface.
I'm very sad, more sad that I've ever been that I can remember. I've blogged many times about being a mom and some of those hardships, but the last seven days have been so bad that I truly wonder why I'm still breathing.
Last Monday my daughter, whom I love so very dearly, and have been so very proud of her whole life, came to tell me she was pregnant. That should have been a very happy announcement and one that I've actually prayed about. She's 29, has Protein S deficiency and PCOS. Becoming pregnant and maintaining a pregnancy full term would be a huge accomplishment, if it happened at all, and we've known this and discussed it.
She has been married almost six years to a man she dated five, but in the last few months they'd hit a rough spot. I guess more than a rough spot, since her husband is not the father of her child.
I have no clue what to say. The thoughts in my head are not nice. And I've cussed out a few people in the last week that probably didn't deserve it, but I'm lashing out.
There's no fixing any of this. Her husband is heartbroken, but standing beside her. I can't decide if he's a saint or stupid beyond words. The sperm donor is not free - he has a wife and child that is almost two. He doesn't work consistently, still lives with his mom and not someone I think I can ever accept the way I have her husband, nor love either. Right now, I think I hate him.
BUT that may be because 30 years I was in a similar situation. The man I married, before I got pregnant, had to get divorced first. And they didn't have any children. But today none of that is any comfort. I set a pattern, I sowed a bad seed and now I will reap what I've sown.
I will not only know the heartbreak my mother felt, but feel it times ten. And I know that in 7 1/2 months, if we have a little baby, I will be so filled with love that some of this will fade.
The worse part is having no one to turn to - no one to share the pain with. My mom and dad are gone and her dad wouldn't care that this hurts me, in fact he'd probably find it perfectly fine and funny. So, not only do I feel the weight of ten worlds on my shoulders and my heart hurts so bad, I don't know why it beats, I am standing alone.
Years ago, my Mom told me I was making a bed so hard I couldn't lie in it. I thought she was crazy, but I now understand. I'm paying, and I suspect I've only scratched the surface.
Thursday, February 15, 2018
Jam Memories #1
For those following me on Facebook, you know that me and my brother Larry are going to Volunteer Jam 2018 on March 7.
We attended a few Jams back in the day, 5,6 and 7 to be specific. Saw Charlie and a lot of the guests in other shows through the years.
I shared this memory with Amy just a few minutes ago, and decided to share it on my blog and with all of you!
It was Volunteer Jam 6 in 1980, I'm pretty sure, and the Oak Ridge Boys took the stage. A great show no doubt. As children we had seen them when our parents took us to the All Night Gospel Sing at War Memorial Auditorium.
I don't recall exactly what songs they did, but William Lee Golden stood there and sang his parts and moved his upper body, but I swear his feet never moved! When I commented on that to Mike, he said "His shoes were nailed to the floor".
So perfectly Mike!! And while he won't be with us in person March 7, I'll bet he'll see the show from the best seat available to watch the drummers!
We attended a few Jams back in the day, 5,6 and 7 to be specific. Saw Charlie and a lot of the guests in other shows through the years.
I shared this memory with Amy just a few minutes ago, and decided to share it on my blog and with all of you!
It was Volunteer Jam 6 in 1980, I'm pretty sure, and the Oak Ridge Boys took the stage. A great show no doubt. As children we had seen them when our parents took us to the All Night Gospel Sing at War Memorial Auditorium.
I don't recall exactly what songs they did, but William Lee Golden stood there and sang his parts and moved his upper body, but I swear his feet never moved! When I commented on that to Mike, he said "His shoes were nailed to the floor".
So perfectly Mike!! And while he won't be with us in person March 7, I'll bet he'll see the show from the best seat available to watch the drummers!
Tuesday, October 24, 2017
Broken Lady
Yesterday one of my old friends and co-workers posted a playlist, as he often does on Mondays. One of the songs was "All the Gold in California" by Larry Gatlin. I thought I'd had not heard that song in a few years and went to play it on YouTube.
As YouTube does, another Larry Gatlin song came up in queue, "Broken Lady". As it played and I remembered the words vividly, it was like a dam had burst in my heart (lyrics to some other country song) and if I could have, I would have hit the floor.
I had not heard either song since the 80's, at least. And the words to "Broken Lady" rang so true in my head and heart. I've been divorced since 2004, but I never meant to be. I thought that I could love enough to get us through anything, and it just wasn't true. It was an impossible task I should have never took on, but I did.
I listened to the song and sang out thru tears, until the tears dried up and I moved past it, again. I've moved past the hurt many times in the last 15 years or so, many times more than that during the marriage. I must remember, again, my synopsis of that failed experiment.
My worst day without him has still been better than my best day with him!
As YouTube does, another Larry Gatlin song came up in queue, "Broken Lady". As it played and I remembered the words vividly, it was like a dam had burst in my heart (lyrics to some other country song) and if I could have, I would have hit the floor.
I had not heard either song since the 80's, at least. And the words to "Broken Lady" rang so true in my head and heart. I've been divorced since 2004, but I never meant to be. I thought that I could love enough to get us through anything, and it just wasn't true. It was an impossible task I should have never took on, but I did.
I listened to the song and sang out thru tears, until the tears dried up and I moved past it, again. I've moved past the hurt many times in the last 15 years or so, many times more than that during the marriage. I must remember, again, my synopsis of that failed experiment.
My worst day without him has still been better than my best day with him!
Sunday, June 25, 2017
First Friends
There is only eighteen months between us - Mike was born on Christmas Day 1961. While at that age, Christmas was not really making much sense to me, I understood well that life had changed when my mom came home to my Pampie's house with a new baby. I don't remember it, but I can picture the scene. Mom said I came over to the bed, glad to see her, then saw the baby. She said I lay my head down on the bed and cried.
Mike and I had about another 16 months before our brother Larry came. There are a few vague memories of us playing together. By the time we were school age I remember much more. Mike and I walked home from school when we lived in Glasgow. Straight down Cherry Street, left on Garmon Avenue, 3rd house on the right!
Then we moved to Nashville, and began a wild ride through a bunch of different schools - not of our doing but of the forced desegregation plan in place at the time. After 1971 we would not be in the same school at the same time until the fall of 1977 when I was a senior and Mike was a sophomore.
Mike and I ran in totally different crowds. I was studious and on the path to college, wrote for the school newspaper and had a posse of like minded folks - we were the geeks of the school! Mike was the artist and musician, academics were the necessary evil that had to at least be tolerated to pursue the art and music. His friends were the freaks of the school! But, these two groups could come together at our house without hesitation or problem and laughter was the rule of the day!
After I'd graduated and failed at the college experience, I was back home, working full time and had bought my first car. Mike said I should come to the basketball game, the pep band was playing. So I did. Mike said I should go with them to Pizza Hut. So I did. Our younger brother Larry and his crew joined us, thus began our journey of being young adults hanging out together with friends.
For the first couple of years, I was the only one of us three that owned a car. So, we kept those wheels burnt off between the high school, various jobs and all of our social activities! Amy was a little too young for most of what we did, but there were good times with her too!
For the next six to eight years, we thought we owned this city. We went to loads of concerts, and lots of festivals and city gatherings. The right of passage to adulthood orchestrated on the streets of Nashville and in a 1979 Buick Regal!
Occasionally Mike would leave town to play music somewhere for awhile. One of those times, he was playing a show for six months in Gatlinburg. The entire band lived in one big house, but they had a guest room, so I drove over for a weekend of fun. Mike and I tried to drive up to Ober Gatlinburg, but my little car wouldn't pull the mountain! We had to go back and get his car that had a 440 Torino engine!!
Once Mike and I rented a house together and that summer Larry came home from the Army and moved in - we don't discuss the year on Algonquin Trail much but you can just imagine!!
One time I had met this guy who wanted my number and I gave him the wrong number. I decided I might like him but wasn't sure how to approach the number thing. So I asked Mike. He told me just to say "Hey, my number has changed" - it was perfect and we died laughing!
In the decade that followed, I got married, Larry got married, Mike finished broadcasting school, Amy got married, we lost Dad, then Mike married. Life happened and sometimes we didn't talk as much, but when we'd get together no time had been lost! Oh, there were times I made him so mad at me I don't know why he didn't punch me. And times we'd laugh until we cried. When I got divorced, I went to court with both my brothers right there beside me. Quickest divorce ever granted I'm sure!
It's been a month since Mike left - I've spent most of this time remembering, laughing, crying and listening to a lot of music! I cannot truly express how much Mike was my first friend, my longest friend, and the best friend a big sister could ever have! I love you Mike and I'll see you again!!
Saturday, December 24, 2016
2016 In Review
It's Christmas Eve, and I've got to get busy with some cooking I plan to do. Tomorrow my family will come over for food and presents and we'll have a good time. I will treasure those moments, even though I will be exhausted when they go, I know that these moments will be over for me one day and I want to savor each one as long as possible.
This year, 2016, has been a little more than rough. When the new year rolled in, I hoped for a good year for myself and health since 2015 had been so bad, but I also recognized that 2016 was going to bring loss, there were just too many folks I knew who were sick and hurting.
In January we lost Corky Edwards. I'd had the pleasure and privilege to call her "Grandma" for over 25 years. She was actually Ben's grandmother, but she was Grandma to all of us. Thank you Grandma for loving us all as your own!
Just a short time passed and a dear friend, Cathie Dodd, passed. Cathie had taken a chance on me back in 2003 and gave me and my children a beautiful brand new place in which to live. We lived there over six years. Thank you Cathie for all you did for me and my family and for all of the other families you helped to house for years!
Before I turned around good, my dear dear Aunt Joan passed. Joan had lived with us when she was in high school and I was a child of 4 and 5. She'd always been such a light in our family, the only girl with seven brothers! Any time we'd visit or talk on the phone, no matter how long it might have been, we could pick up like we'd not missed a single day. She was so very special to me, thank you Joan for always being a light in my life!
In June, a man very near and dear to my heart passed, Mr. Dave Miller! There is another blog post dedicated to Mr. Miller, but he was more iconic to my life than he ever knew. The knowledge he passed on to me, and others, has been invaluable in life. Thank you Mr. Miller for teaching me so very much and for always have a great sense of humor!!
A man I'd met after I moved to Trevecca, Ed Wallace, passed in summer. Ed was quite a pleasure to talk to - he loved music of all kinds so we could talk forever about that. His life's work had been in computer installation and repair, he'd been on the install team for the very first computer in Nashville - which I'd known was at Life and Casualty - so we'd bonded immediately. I can remember him being in the multi purpose room playing on the piano. Thank you Ed for being so kind to me!
Another friend from Trevecca, former Glencliff classmate and forever Woodbine girl, Connie Medrano, passed in early December. Connie and I had become good friends after she moved into Trevecca and I will always remember our "Woodbine" calls whenever we'd see each other. Thank you Connie for the laughs and I know you're heart is at peace!
Just a week ago, my dear and sweet Aunt Sue Lacy left us. What a glorious reunion Heaven must have witnessed! That should be of great comfort, and it will be I know, but right now my heart is so broken. Aunt Sue was a wonderful woman. There were times she reached out to me that I've never shared with anyone, but times when I was distraught or my heart was so burdened. She prayed with me many times over the phone, and I know her prayers would continue for me and my family long after the phone call ended. Thank you Aunt Sue for so many great memories thru the years, but especially for your Christian example and endless prayers!
My heart is heavy with the losses of 2016 and I expect a few more next year, some loved ones are not doing so well and bad news just seems to keep rolling in, but I know this is life. My grandmother used to tell me "You know Lisa, the only thing we're promised the day we are born, is that one day we will die". She was so right and there is some comfort in those words, even in times of grief. Remembering her, Mom and Dad, all the aunts and uncles, my Grandpa - brings smiles of good times and tears of sadness. Tomorrow, seeing my children and the grands will bring smiles of good times and tears of sadness - the circle of life.
This year, 2016, has been a little more than rough. When the new year rolled in, I hoped for a good year for myself and health since 2015 had been so bad, but I also recognized that 2016 was going to bring loss, there were just too many folks I knew who were sick and hurting.
In January we lost Corky Edwards. I'd had the pleasure and privilege to call her "Grandma" for over 25 years. She was actually Ben's grandmother, but she was Grandma to all of us. Thank you Grandma for loving us all as your own!
Just a short time passed and a dear friend, Cathie Dodd, passed. Cathie had taken a chance on me back in 2003 and gave me and my children a beautiful brand new place in which to live. We lived there over six years. Thank you Cathie for all you did for me and my family and for all of the other families you helped to house for years!
Before I turned around good, my dear dear Aunt Joan passed. Joan had lived with us when she was in high school and I was a child of 4 and 5. She'd always been such a light in our family, the only girl with seven brothers! Any time we'd visit or talk on the phone, no matter how long it might have been, we could pick up like we'd not missed a single day. She was so very special to me, thank you Joan for always being a light in my life!
In June, a man very near and dear to my heart passed, Mr. Dave Miller! There is another blog post dedicated to Mr. Miller, but he was more iconic to my life than he ever knew. The knowledge he passed on to me, and others, has been invaluable in life. Thank you Mr. Miller for teaching me so very much and for always have a great sense of humor!!
A man I'd met after I moved to Trevecca, Ed Wallace, passed in summer. Ed was quite a pleasure to talk to - he loved music of all kinds so we could talk forever about that. His life's work had been in computer installation and repair, he'd been on the install team for the very first computer in Nashville - which I'd known was at Life and Casualty - so we'd bonded immediately. I can remember him being in the multi purpose room playing on the piano. Thank you Ed for being so kind to me!
Another friend from Trevecca, former Glencliff classmate and forever Woodbine girl, Connie Medrano, passed in early December. Connie and I had become good friends after she moved into Trevecca and I will always remember our "Woodbine" calls whenever we'd see each other. Thank you Connie for the laughs and I know you're heart is at peace!
Just a week ago, my dear and sweet Aunt Sue Lacy left us. What a glorious reunion Heaven must have witnessed! That should be of great comfort, and it will be I know, but right now my heart is so broken. Aunt Sue was a wonderful woman. There were times she reached out to me that I've never shared with anyone, but times when I was distraught or my heart was so burdened. She prayed with me many times over the phone, and I know her prayers would continue for me and my family long after the phone call ended. Thank you Aunt Sue for so many great memories thru the years, but especially for your Christian example and endless prayers!
My heart is heavy with the losses of 2016 and I expect a few more next year, some loved ones are not doing so well and bad news just seems to keep rolling in, but I know this is life. My grandmother used to tell me "You know Lisa, the only thing we're promised the day we are born, is that one day we will die". She was so right and there is some comfort in those words, even in times of grief. Remembering her, Mom and Dad, all the aunts and uncles, my Grandpa - brings smiles of good times and tears of sadness. Tomorrow, seeing my children and the grands will bring smiles of good times and tears of sadness - the circle of life.
Thursday, December 1, 2016
My Mother's Heart
When I reached the age of adulthood, I ended up with a job and a new car (and a new car payment). I had been a very smart girl in school but I ended up being ignorant to the ways of the world and my part in it. I made a bunch, not one or two, but a bunch of bad decisions that I thought weren't hurting anyone except me when they'd backfire. My mother talked to me until she was 'blue in the face' to no avail. My dad tried, he even called me at work one day to tell me my mother had spent her life raising me and I was killing her. That probably straightened me up for awhile, but not too long.
Now, I didn't do alot of drugs, I did plenty of drinking, didn't go to jail, but made the most horrible decisions on some friends, especially those of male persuasion.
I remember my mom crying in desperation, begging me to drop the person I was so intent on being with - and more than once we went thru this saga - until at last I just did what she feared most, I married him and had two babies.
Becoming a parent changed me - I wanted to be a shining example to them and was grateful that my past wasn't so bad. There weren't public records to document my stupidity, just a few scars and my mother's broken heart.
And oh how I tried to do everything right for my two children. I insisted they have everything I could think of and almost everything they'd ever ask for. I supported them in school being room mother and going on field trips, always looking out for less fortunate children and trying every way I could to make them proud of themselves and do the right things.
Even after the divorce I struggled to be sure they had everything they needed (high schoolers now) and welcomed all of their friends into our home. Now, said friends would be in two groups in two separate rooms, but they were there and I was comforted that my kids would bring their friends home.
My daughter was a ray of sunshine from the first moment I laid eyes on her. She excelled in everything she did, wasn't too difficult of a teenager, went on to college and graduated, married a man who loves her desperately, is a kind and loving nurse to all of her patients and is a wonderful woman, wife and daughter to me.
My son was a challenge from the get-go. My dad said he was tense, maybe he was? His little fists were clinched from birth and he didn't sleep well for a long time. He had four daycares before kindergarten, (my daughter only two) and it was most taxing to keep him in school reasonably behaved. The difficulty continued to grow, until I put him in state custody at age 16. He aged out of that, got me evicted from the home we had, and proceeded to spend the next eight years in and out of jail, homeless, jobless 90% of the not in jail time, and fathered multiple children with multiple women. Right now we are not speaking because of the presidential election this year. And honestly, my life is much more peaceful with no (almost) contact with him.
My mom used to say that what you do comes home to you tenfold - well my mother's heart was broken badly over my decisions. This woman's heart may not recover.
Now, I didn't do alot of drugs, I did plenty of drinking, didn't go to jail, but made the most horrible decisions on some friends, especially those of male persuasion.
I remember my mom crying in desperation, begging me to drop the person I was so intent on being with - and more than once we went thru this saga - until at last I just did what she feared most, I married him and had two babies.
Becoming a parent changed me - I wanted to be a shining example to them and was grateful that my past wasn't so bad. There weren't public records to document my stupidity, just a few scars and my mother's broken heart.
And oh how I tried to do everything right for my two children. I insisted they have everything I could think of and almost everything they'd ever ask for. I supported them in school being room mother and going on field trips, always looking out for less fortunate children and trying every way I could to make them proud of themselves and do the right things.
Even after the divorce I struggled to be sure they had everything they needed (high schoolers now) and welcomed all of their friends into our home. Now, said friends would be in two groups in two separate rooms, but they were there and I was comforted that my kids would bring their friends home.
My daughter was a ray of sunshine from the first moment I laid eyes on her. She excelled in everything she did, wasn't too difficult of a teenager, went on to college and graduated, married a man who loves her desperately, is a kind and loving nurse to all of her patients and is a wonderful woman, wife and daughter to me.
My son was a challenge from the get-go. My dad said he was tense, maybe he was? His little fists were clinched from birth and he didn't sleep well for a long time. He had four daycares before kindergarten, (my daughter only two) and it was most taxing to keep him in school reasonably behaved. The difficulty continued to grow, until I put him in state custody at age 16. He aged out of that, got me evicted from the home we had, and proceeded to spend the next eight years in and out of jail, homeless, jobless 90% of the not in jail time, and fathered multiple children with multiple women. Right now we are not speaking because of the presidential election this year. And honestly, my life is much more peaceful with no (almost) contact with him.
My mom used to say that what you do comes home to you tenfold - well my mother's heart was broken badly over my decisions. This woman's heart may not recover.
Saturday, November 5, 2016
Just My Thoughts - First Published Sept 16 2009
Just My Thoughts
Lately, I hear so many folks saying so many negative things
about other people. From the fights on Facebook over politics, to the crazy
things that happen on television award shows, to the insane things talked about
dead folks, and the one that prompted me to write this – the ignorant remarks
of a few college students with whom my daughter has classes.
Each time I’ve heard these comments, read the posts, or generally been exposed to these things, my mind keeps going back to something I heard a little over a year ago. That remark I would like to share and excuse me, but preach for a minute or two.
On July 7, 2008 the plane carrying then presidential candidate Barack Obama had to make an emergency landing. Keep reading – when I was listening to the news reports that afternoon they were playing the tower to plane conversation. The pilot had already radioed that were in trouble and the tower knew it – the tower’s question to the pilot was “How many souls on board?”. The pilot went on to answer “56 souls on board”.
I must say I had an epiphany of sorts at that moment – it hit me like a Mack truck that regardless of WHO we are, we each and everyone have a soul. That soul is transparent to God, meaning it does not matter if you are Obama or the person on the plane that was there to keep water glasses filled, you are a SOUL!
Doesn’t matter how much we may disagree on political matters – makes for lively debate and hopefully, expansion of your mind. Doesn’t matter how ‘liberal’ you may think I am, or how ‘conservative’ you consider yourself. Doesn’t matter if you worshiped in a church with 1000 members on Sunday or if your prayers to God were moaned in desperation. Doesn’t matter if you’re fortunate to work for a corporation that can offer private health care at minimal expense to you or if you are a mother trying to raise your children and need an option to keep them healthy. Doesn’t matter if your dad wrote a check to pay your tuition in full or you are on a full ride scholarship because you worked your butt off in high school to be able to get the education you want.
All of these, and so many many more, are just examples of how we are different and how wonderful this world can be because of our differences. If each and every one of us could only remember that each and every other person was just a SOUL, imagine how wonderful this world would be!
Each time I’ve heard these comments, read the posts, or generally been exposed to these things, my mind keeps going back to something I heard a little over a year ago. That remark I would like to share and excuse me, but preach for a minute or two.
On July 7, 2008 the plane carrying then presidential candidate Barack Obama had to make an emergency landing. Keep reading – when I was listening to the news reports that afternoon they were playing the tower to plane conversation. The pilot had already radioed that were in trouble and the tower knew it – the tower’s question to the pilot was “How many souls on board?”. The pilot went on to answer “56 souls on board”.
I must say I had an epiphany of sorts at that moment – it hit me like a Mack truck that regardless of WHO we are, we each and everyone have a soul. That soul is transparent to God, meaning it does not matter if you are Obama or the person on the plane that was there to keep water glasses filled, you are a SOUL!
Doesn’t matter how much we may disagree on political matters – makes for lively debate and hopefully, expansion of your mind. Doesn’t matter how ‘liberal’ you may think I am, or how ‘conservative’ you consider yourself. Doesn’t matter if you worshiped in a church with 1000 members on Sunday or if your prayers to God were moaned in desperation. Doesn’t matter if you’re fortunate to work for a corporation that can offer private health care at minimal expense to you or if you are a mother trying to raise your children and need an option to keep them healthy. Doesn’t matter if your dad wrote a check to pay your tuition in full or you are on a full ride scholarship because you worked your butt off in high school to be able to get the education you want.
All of these, and so many many more, are just examples of how we are different and how wonderful this world can be because of our differences. If each and every one of us could only remember that each and every other person was just a SOUL, imagine how wonderful this world would be!
Birthday Thoughts - First Published May 31 2010
Birthday THoughts
So, I guess it's no secret as I've posted things this birthday
week, that music has played a big part in my family's life.
I was so very blessed to have parents that loved and appreciated music - all types. We grew up listening to Danny Davis, Billy Vaughn, Lawrence Welk, Dean Martin, The Lovin' Spoonful, Duane Eddy, you name it - my mom probably had the album. What a blessing and legacy they left to us - for the enjoyment and comfort of music through the years has been a tremendous presence.
And, bless their hearts for living through the Beatles, Sweet, Kansas, Lynyrd Skynyrd and Ted Nugent!
I suppose there was more than a time or two they thought maybe having a really nice stereo system in the house might NOT have been a good idea.
Tomorrow I will be big 50! Everything I am today was shaped first by my parents, my siblings, and then my children. I am nothing without them in my life.
I don't know how much longer I have on this earth, but I am so very grateful for the years I've had, the family, the friends, the experiences, good and bad, for all of them are a little part of this package called "Ms. Lisa"!
Love and peace to you all!
I was so very blessed to have parents that loved and appreciated music - all types. We grew up listening to Danny Davis, Billy Vaughn, Lawrence Welk, Dean Martin, The Lovin' Spoonful, Duane Eddy, you name it - my mom probably had the album. What a blessing and legacy they left to us - for the enjoyment and comfort of music through the years has been a tremendous presence.
And, bless their hearts for living through the Beatles, Sweet, Kansas, Lynyrd Skynyrd and Ted Nugent!
I suppose there was more than a time or two they thought maybe having a really nice stereo system in the house might NOT have been a good idea.
Tomorrow I will be big 50! Everything I am today was shaped first by my parents, my siblings, and then my children. I am nothing without them in my life.
I don't know how much longer I have on this earth, but I am so very grateful for the years I've had, the family, the friends, the experiences, good and bad, for all of them are a little part of this package called "Ms. Lisa"!
Love and peace to you all!
A Mother's Love - First Published Feb 25 2013
A Mother's Love
So yesterday was Mom's birthday. I made a comment about it
on Facebook and really enjoyed the comments that came back. Spent the old
day thinking about her and the family as a whole.
You know, our mothers are the first person we know and the only
one that will ever know us inside and out. Moms hear and feel your
heartbeat from the inside, feel the first movement as you begin to wiggle
fingers and toes and the movements where her dress jumps, your heel is pushed
almost through her abdomen, or the times when it feels like you're stomping
your way out of the womb. No one else will ever know how you felt growing
and developing in her body.
Your mom is usually the first person (after the doc maybe) your
little eyes don't focus on - but believe me - mom knows you in that first look.
And until you feel that wave of emotion that passes through your body
when you see that baby for the first time, you cannot ever know exactly how
your Mother felt nor appreciate just how much she loved you.
As I begin to raise my kids, there were moments I realized how
my mom must have felt (usually if I felt disappointed, because I know I
disappointed her several times. There were moments I opened my mouth and
my Mom came out - shocking, but then I had to admit how very right she had
been!! Times when I stopped for a minute just to say a prayer of thanks
for the Mom I'd had, the way she'd raised me, and how blessed I had been.
And at this stage in life, a deep understanding and appreciation for all
of her love and sacrifice because there is no end to what a mother will do for
her kids.
Mom and I had a conversation just a couple of weeks before she
died in which she was giving me instructions on how to handle arrangements,
etc. She went on to say that raising us hadn't always been easy, but they
(she and Dad) had gotten lucky, they'd good kids. I told her we were the
lucky ones!! Tears came to her eyes as she said "thank you for
saying that".
I never spoke truer words.
I guess I must have a point here - and it's this - tell your
parents how you really feel about them and don't wait until it's too late.
You'll be glad you did and you'll be able to enjoy the memories without a
lot of sorrow.
2013 - The Year of the Concert - First Published Nov 13 2013
2013 - The Year of the Concert
As most of you know, I dubbed 2013 the year of the concert
several months ago when I made a decision to try and see every show I wanted to
and could. As we near the end of the year, I am satisfied and happy with
the choices and shows, and done for the year. The cold weather has
finally arrived in Nashville, and that is my cue to hibernate as much as
possible for the next three or four months.
Early spring started and the first show was Kid Rock! What
an awesome show! I was accompanied by my daughter, Lisa Renee Martin, and
we had a great time! I think she enjoyed watching me jump around and
chair dance the most!! She said it was disturbing that I knew all the
words to "Crazy Bitch" by Buckcherry - but hey, what can I say?
I will say this, it took me three or four days to recover from Kid Rock!
Note to self, you are not as young as you once were!!
Second concert of the year was to see The Four Tops and The
Temptations! This was my first show at the Ryman - very glad to see the
Temptations with Otis Williams. Last year, Renee, Marg, Sheila and I had
seen the Temptation Review with Dennis Edwards - so life is complete!
I've seen as many of the Temps as I can. I sang some but I DID NOT
wear myself out!
In May I went to see Elton John at the Bridgestone! It was
my third, and probably last, time to see him. Renee and her husband Chris
Estes went with me. It was a great show - although we were in the top top
section and I couldn't really look around to see how high we were. Thank
goodness for jumbo trans!
The next concert I bought tickets for was this little band I dearly
love - Alabama Shakes. I ended up not going, a decision I do not regret,
and was very glad my friend and work buddy Kathy Biss Bates enjoyed the
tickets. I will hold out to see them until they are playing an inside
venue!
In October, I was greatly pleased to be accompanied by my
brother, Mike Furkins, to see the Eagles! What an incredible show!
We had a great time, it had been 20+ years since we'd been to a concert
together. I can imagine a better time being had by two folks - and I'm so
glad to share this memory with him!
I did make it to one Nashville Symphony show - my old pal Sherry
Sloan accompanied me. We enjoyed catching up before the show and then the
show was awesome! I'd never seen a piano with a keyboard at both ends -
pretty amazing piece of equipment! I have season tickets to the symphony,
so I'll be attending some shows in 2014.
The grand finale was a trip Monday night back to the Ryman to
see Lynyrd Skynyrd. It was Lynn's birthday and he was my guest. We
had a great time and the show was wonderful! It was sobering to see how
the guys have aged (well, I have too) but amazing to see how they could still
jam! Lynn said he thought their fingers would fall off!!
I am a very blessed woman - and this year has been lots of fun!
50 Years Ago Today - What I Remember - First Published Nov 22 2013
50 Years Ago Today - What I
Remember
Fifty years ago today, I remember quite alot, even if I was only
3 1/2 years old.
My family lived in the tiny little town of Burkesville,
Kentucky. Dad worked at Burkesville Transfer and Mom was working at the
sewing factory - and I don't remember it's name.
We had a young girl, she was probably 18 or 19 at the time, who
kept me, Mike, who was about to turn 2 on Christmas Day, and Larry who was only
7 months old. Her name was Evinois - and my memories of her all are quite
fond. She was a loving soul who cared for us three little white kids like
we were her own. Our whole family loved her and she remained in our lives
years after we moved away. That's a whole other note!
Evinois watched "As the World Turns" faithfully
everyday. And while I didn't have a clue what was going on - I'd watch
too. During the program, there was an interruption that said President
Kennedy had been shot. Now, I didn't know who he was, but I was quite
concerned that Evinois was upset. When the second interruption came on to
say he had died, she burst into tears, big tears! I was scared and
bewildered but I remember her comforting me to calm my fears.
The house we lived in had three porches - one fully across the
back and front and one side. We had gone outside to the front porch, all
the neighbors on the street had done the same. It was only a short while
until my Mom came walking up the street - when the President died, her company
closed and sent everyone home. She had walked the mile or so, I imagine
as quickly as possible, to get home to us.
As she came across the yard from the street, I ran to meet her.
Evinois was holding Larry and Mike was toddling around on the porch.
Mom and Evinois looked at each other, my Mom said "What in the
world?" and they hugged. I remember us all going back inside and so
began the first marathon of t.v. watching during a tragedy.
As a kid, I had no real idea of what had happened. I knew
my parents and everyone around me was upset and there was a sense of shaky
ground to everything. As days wore on, I'm sure my little world went back
to normal.
But our whole world never quite returned to normal. This
week I've watched hours about the anniversary, etc. I have enjoyed Bob
Schieffer's recount of the story as a young print reporter of that day and all
the other stories that have been shared. It was truly a time of loss of
innocence for this country.
Food Stamps - First Published Jan 15 2014
Food Stamps
I thought a while before I share the posting on food stamps.
This is one of those things I actually have a little experience with, and
have a lot of thoughts about.
In 2005 I found myself without a job or income and facing
disability. My doctor had been telling me for a couple of years I should
quit work, but I didn't want to. Alas, things changed drastically all in
one day.
I went to DHS - which is another rant for another day - and
applied for food stamps and TennCare since I'd also lost my health insurance.
I had full custody of my two children, and at that point, was not
receivng ANY child support from their dad.
I got TennCare and food stamps in the amount of $293.00 per
month for three folks. Right then, the kids were still in school so they
automatically got free breakfast and free lunch. But stretching $293.00
for 30-32 days for three folks is not easy. Food stamps are supposedly
calculated at $1.00 per meal per person when there are no other
resources.
It was all I had to spend on food so it meant that there were no
quickie things - no microwave stuff and no junk food. I know how to cook,
how to cook for leftovers, and how to remake those into something new. I
can do wonders with a bag of dried beans and a sack of potatoes - and was glad
many times I'd grown up the way I had. We didn't eat out, but we never
missed a meal!
I was blessed in that my social security disability was
approved in less than 90 days - imagine that - even they thought I was have
been going to die soon. I only got the food stamps for the 6 months until
my SS check came - and that's the way the program was meant to be utilized - as
a tool to get from point A to point B without being hungry.
My points are: If you get food stamps and that is truly
how and what you feed your family - there is not money for tattoos, beer,
partying of any kind. If I see you in the store paying for food with an
EBT card and you are tatted up one side and down the other, I don't know if you
got those first, before some tragedy struck, or if you're lying to the system.
ANY kind of assistance is meant to be TEMPORARY - it's not for
you to live your whole life on because you lie or choose not to do better.
That's laziness and trifling and is not to be tolerated.
Showing Respect and Reverence for Sacrifices Made - First Published Jan 24 2014
Showing Respect and Reverence for
Sacrifices Made
Today I watched the video about a funeral in Arlington during
the recent snowstorm.
Close to 30 years ago now I was very fortunate to be to McLean,
VA on temporary duty for my employer at the time. McLean is a suburb of
Washington DC. I would be there 8 weeks.
During that time, several of the other members of the team and I
visited DC as often as possible to see as much as possible during our time
there. We were working very hard all day, and playing even harder when we
got home.
One evening our trip was to Arlington National Cemetery. We
got there in the afternoon and stayed until ordered to leave when the park was
closing. We got to see a changing of the guard at the Tomb of the
Unknown, and all of the other mainstays - the Challenger Memorial, JFK's grave
and flame, and a few others I can't recall exactly.
What I do remember is this - the overwhelming feel of respect,
reverence and pride. Respect for what all of those buried there had done
and for the humans they were, reverence for the sacrifices they had made and
for what our country stood and stands for, and pride in being an American.
I could truly feel that we have a magnificent rich heritage and each of
us has reason to be proud of that.
Everyday, I see place and things that need to be fixed, people
too. And I don't have all the answers. I don't think any one of us
actually does. But I do know this, I am proud to have been BORN in
America, (a little prouder that I was born in the South), and I am glad I CAN
work and pay taxes and I will NEVER fail to exercise my right to vote.
And, if I ever forget any of those things, I hope something
comes along and reminds me how I felt in Arlington!
AND - by all means, visit Washington DC sometime in your
lifetime! It is well worth the effort!
Beatlemania and Me - First Published Feb 9 2014
Beatlemania and Me
It was 50 years ago today - sound familiar! Well, I
remember it well. I was not quite four yet, we were living in
Burkesville, KY and had gone to Glasgow to visit Pampie (my great-grandmother)
and Grandma (Mom's mom).
When we got over to Grandma's house, the Ed Sullivan Show had
come on and I was watching when he introduced "The Beatles". I
surely didn't know alot at that time in life, but I knew one thing, I
liked The Beatles. A lot!!
So began the last 50 years of countless hours of listening,
singing along, playing along on piano or flute, and reading everything I could
get my hands on about them. And the Internet sure did make all of that
even easier!
I was at my Pampie's house, sitting on her front porch glider
while she read the newspaper to me, the day Ringo Starr became a father for the
first time. Twenty five years later I was home on maternity leave with
Renee when I read in the paper that Ringo had become a grandfather!
Early on the morning of December 8, I woke up to a Beatles song
playing. I hit the snooze and when my nine minutes were up, another
Beatles song was playing. As I lay there listening, when the next song
started with no interruption I sat straight up in bed and said "OMG - one
of them is dead".
I still have the Time magazine that featured George Harrison the
week after his death.
When I was twelve, for Christmas I got a stereo and two sets of
Beatle compilation albums - the red and blue covered ones. I must have
listened to them until the grooves were gone! My Mom told me years later
that she and my Dad had thought they would die if they had to hear the Beatles
one more time!
The summer I turned 50 years old, Paul McCartney came to
Nashville for the first time in 38 years. Not only did I get to share
that night with Paul, but with my daughter Renee. It was literally one of
the best nights of my life.
Tonight I'll be watching as the Grammy Salutes The Beatles is on
television. I'll sing along, laugh and I'm sure tear up at some scenes.
I'll be both happy for the times had and sad for the ones missed.
Thank you to The Beatles for a lifetime of songs and smiles!
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