Not being the party animal I was back in the 80's, I fell asleep last night right after the weather - so about 10:15.
I was awake momentarily!! (about 10 seconds) at midnight when the fireworks were going off big time! I was semi conscious enough to think "Happy New Year to Me" and back to a sound sleep I went!
Sound sleep! Now that is something I thoroughly enjoy on most nights. There are times when I'm in too much pain to sleep well, but those days are few and far between.
I sleep very well and for plenty of hours. I will get a minimum of 8 hours good sleep - usually 10 - and I may even hit 11 sometimes. I think some of that is because I am not a healthy person and my heart and body needs the rest, and part of that is I was sleep deprived for about 30 years - from the time I hit high school until I moved to Trevecca alone.
The rest I think is because I don't have any major regrets in life. I do wish I'd finished my education when I was younger and maybe I wish I hadn't stayed married as long as I did, but even that would change where I am now.
I wouldn't change anything that has led me to be 53 years old with two grown kids that I love spending time with regularly. My daughter is married to a great kid - well, man - always be kids to me. My son is finding his way nicely and is about to be a father. My siblings are all still alive and I've spoken to them today - we have good relationships and enjoy when we can get together and laugh!
Laughter - I read this week that is the one thing that can reverse or prevent a lot of ill health. That must be why I am still alive - I laugh everyday!! And somedays, laugh A LOT!!
Here's to a new year - filled with family, sleep and laughter!!
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Beginning Again (AGAIN!!)
So today I finally figured out how I'd set this (and the other two blogs) up and how exactly to get back to them. I am going to try to post entries much more often than I have - it blows me away that it has been three years since I've posted.
Three Years!! Where did that time go? And what the hell has happened? A lot for sure, some of which I'll get around to in other posts.
Right now, it is December 26th and I have been contemplating the new year. I don't make resolutions so much anymore, just set some goals and make a few lists of things I'd like to do and things I need to accomplish!
For instance:
1 - get more organized - this is an ongoing thing with me. I am much better organized now that I only have 650 square feet of an apartment - but there is still room for improvement. For that, I've bought a Filofax to replace at least three books I have laying around with notes, etc.
2 - The list of stuff to buy! I've had a list for years I keep in my wallet of things I want for me or the apartment. Sometimes they get marked off because I buy them, get them as gifts, or change my mind on that item. Right now, that list is not too long - of course Christmas was yesterday. I do have a couple of big items I want this year, a guitar and a keyboard!! Loving it!!
3 - Things to do - like right now I need to see the ortho, the plastic, a dermatologist and get some bloodwork. Some of these are regular, a couple are new for this year - or returns - yes I still have a wound on my right ankle that has never healed. I don't want to see ortho - but there is just no choice at this point.
4 - Health issues - besides the ortho thing, I need to really try to get more weight off. From my last post in my healthy blog - I've put back on 75 pounds. A very dangerous slope - I could probably knock 25 of that off in extra fluid pills, but that brings problems too. A major goal this year, since it seems I am going to live much longer than I ever imagined!
More tomorrow!
Three Years!! Where did that time go? And what the hell has happened? A lot for sure, some of which I'll get around to in other posts.
Right now, it is December 26th and I have been contemplating the new year. I don't make resolutions so much anymore, just set some goals and make a few lists of things I'd like to do and things I need to accomplish!
For instance:
1 - get more organized - this is an ongoing thing with me. I am much better organized now that I only have 650 square feet of an apartment - but there is still room for improvement. For that, I've bought a Filofax to replace at least three books I have laying around with notes, etc.
2 - The list of stuff to buy! I've had a list for years I keep in my wallet of things I want for me or the apartment. Sometimes they get marked off because I buy them, get them as gifts, or change my mind on that item. Right now, that list is not too long - of course Christmas was yesterday. I do have a couple of big items I want this year, a guitar and a keyboard!! Loving it!!
3 - Things to do - like right now I need to see the ortho, the plastic, a dermatologist and get some bloodwork. Some of these are regular, a couple are new for this year - or returns - yes I still have a wound on my right ankle that has never healed. I don't want to see ortho - but there is just no choice at this point.
4 - Health issues - besides the ortho thing, I need to really try to get more weight off. From my last post in my healthy blog - I've put back on 75 pounds. A very dangerous slope - I could probably knock 25 of that off in extra fluid pills, but that brings problems too. A major goal this year, since it seems I am going to live much longer than I ever imagined!
More tomorrow!
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Favorite Teachers
As this is Teacher Appreciation Week, I had to really think who had been my favorite.
Some names come to mind very quickly - Alan Kaplan, Tony Beasley, Susan Rutland - all from high school days.
Middle School - or junior high when I was there - John Dixon and Mabel Ellis.
Elementary School - Mary Randolph from 5th grade, John Witherspoon from 4th, Mrs. Conley in Glasgow KY in 3rd and Mrs. Elliott from Burkesville, KY for first grade.
I know the elementary and middle school teachers are deceased, remember seeing them in the newspaper obituary columns.
But I may have to look up the other three - at least try today on Facebook!
Some names come to mind very quickly - Alan Kaplan, Tony Beasley, Susan Rutland - all from high school days.
Middle School - or junior high when I was there - John Dixon and Mabel Ellis.
Elementary School - Mary Randolph from 5th grade, John Witherspoon from 4th, Mrs. Conley in Glasgow KY in 3rd and Mrs. Elliott from Burkesville, KY for first grade.
I know the elementary and middle school teachers are deceased, remember seeing them in the newspaper obituary columns.
But I may have to look up the other three - at least try today on Facebook!
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Back to Blogger
Finally!! I figured out that I had two gmail accounts and which one was tied to the Blog. Can you imagine how much I've got to say since the last time I posted?
Right now, I'd just like to touch on one thing - the bucket list!! I don't have one documented but I'll be changing that and updating it often, I hope. Right now, I'm working off the bucket list in my mind by going to every concert I want to - well almost! But, trying to do so!
Last Friday night I saw Elton John at the Bridgestone in Nashville. It was the third time for me, and the last I'm sure. Even if he was to come back I probably would not go again, not because of him at all. I just have a lot of folks to see and not sure of the time frame left in which to do it.
It was a great show - and bought back memories of the other two times. First time I saw him was at the Municipal Auditorium with Kevin Gaskin - now that's a blast from the past - and we were on 7th row maybe. Don't exactly remember.
The 2nd time was at Starwood with my brother Mike, as we were on the 11th row.
Both times, and Friday night, the shows were awesome. Elton is one of my all time favorites!!
Right now, I'd just like to touch on one thing - the bucket list!! I don't have one documented but I'll be changing that and updating it often, I hope. Right now, I'm working off the bucket list in my mind by going to every concert I want to - well almost! But, trying to do so!
Last Friday night I saw Elton John at the Bridgestone in Nashville. It was the third time for me, and the last I'm sure. Even if he was to come back I probably would not go again, not because of him at all. I just have a lot of folks to see and not sure of the time frame left in which to do it.
It was a great show - and bought back memories of the other two times. First time I saw him was at the Municipal Auditorium with Kevin Gaskin - now that's a blast from the past - and we were on 7th row maybe. Don't exactly remember.
The 2nd time was at Starwood with my brother Mike, as we were on the 11th row.
Both times, and Friday night, the shows were awesome. Elton is one of my all time favorites!!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Smackdown at the Towers
OK - so you guys all know I live at a retirement center. One of three towers actually in the group.
Well, Friday night there was a big fight out back between two young women - both in their 20's.
Why are 20 somethings living here? It is a HUD property and if they qualify under ADA because they are a little crazy!!!!! they can get in. Seems to me that is the majority of the population here now - explains a lot of things.
Like why one neighbor is so OCD that she jiggles her door know at lealst twelve times before she'll walk off - just has to be sure the door is locked and not coming open. I've seen it go on a full five minutes sometimes. Now, I just laugh to myself, but I'll bet she has to get a new doorknob soon.
Now, our mail is ready for pickup about 3:00 in the afternoon, at which time there is a rush on the mailboxes and I try to stay away. But, sitting back and watching, there is one man who checks his mailbox once an hour ALL DAY LONG!!!
Truthfully, it is sad. It's not fun nor fair when your mind won't work the way it was designed to, I'm sure neither of these two can help themselves at all and it's a blessing they can live on their own.
But, you gotta love the occasional smackdown!!
Well, Friday night there was a big fight out back between two young women - both in their 20's.
Why are 20 somethings living here? It is a HUD property and if they qualify under ADA because they are a little crazy!!!!! they can get in. Seems to me that is the majority of the population here now - explains a lot of things.
Like why one neighbor is so OCD that she jiggles her door know at lealst twelve times before she'll walk off - just has to be sure the door is locked and not coming open. I've seen it go on a full five minutes sometimes. Now, I just laugh to myself, but I'll bet she has to get a new doorknob soon.
Now, our mail is ready for pickup about 3:00 in the afternoon, at which time there is a rush on the mailboxes and I try to stay away. But, sitting back and watching, there is one man who checks his mailbox once an hour ALL DAY LONG!!!
Truthfully, it is sad. It's not fun nor fair when your mind won't work the way it was designed to, I'm sure neither of these two can help themselves at all and it's a blessing they can live on their own.
But, you gotta love the occasional smackdown!!
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Loving, Wanting, Needing
Today is Valentine's Day. For a lot of folks today, there will be demonstrations of how much they love each other - flowers, candy, balloons, plush, special dinners, sex!, and hopefully some time to reflect on what they really mean to each other.
I've spent a lot of time thinking this week, actually more like for a few months, about my life and why I am alone. I've made a few comments on facebook, etc. but I really have given it a lot of thought.
I was married for 14 years - and I wasn't happy for most of it. I stayed because I didn't want to hear "I told you so" from my mother and because I had two kids I thought really needed their dad to be there. I don't recall him ever taking me out on Valentine's Day for dinner - his idea of eating out was going thru the McDonald's drive thru! In the beginning he gave me some flowers - he was one of those men you'd see at Kroger on VD buying something. He did give me a card just about every year - it always made me wonder though - he signed the card "Rondal Martin" like I didn't know who he was and he never wrote anything else - although the cards were usually thoughtful and sweet.
This week I had an epiphany - my personality and character will not let me need someone!
I've given this a great deal of thought and am convinced this is true. I had been in love with others before Ronnie - but - there were lots of reasons those relationships didn't work out. When I realized I was falling in love with him, I wanted to be with him every second and I really felt like I needed him - in my life, beside me all the way, in good times and bad. I believed those words totally and completely.
But, I am a strong willed person and come from a long line of headstrong iron willed women. I don't think that is the problem - but after I was married, everytime I really needed Ronnie - needed him to support me and carry me for awhile, he let me down. Being pregnant with Renee was very hard - and I began to feel all alone. He didn't stay in town long enough to have our special dinner at the hospital or to drive me home - things I really needed him to do for me.
As the years went by - I found myself not relying on him for anything but trouble. I worked, I took care of the house, the kids and him. He brought home some money and gave me sex - that was the extent of his support for me. And, after years I evolved into a woman who would not let herself need anybody for anything. Years of hopes and plans being dashed and repeated failures time after time led me to never expect too much - to never need anyone else to do what they were supposed to - and the only rely on myself for what I needed. Expect nothing but failure unless I was 100% in charge and not depending on anyone else.
I've been separated from him almost eight years and I'm just now realizing all of this??? The walls I've built around me are too tall and two thick for anyone to ever penetrate. I'm at peace with that and just finally figuring it all out gives me a freedom I had not know before. It does make me sad too - I would have liked to share with someone again.
Meatloaf had a song back in the late 70's, early 80's where one line was "I want you, I need you, but there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you. Don't feel back, 'cos two out of three ain't bad".
It takes all three for a loving caring healthy relationship.
I've spent a lot of time thinking this week, actually more like for a few months, about my life and why I am alone. I've made a few comments on facebook, etc. but I really have given it a lot of thought.
I was married for 14 years - and I wasn't happy for most of it. I stayed because I didn't want to hear "I told you so" from my mother and because I had two kids I thought really needed their dad to be there. I don't recall him ever taking me out on Valentine's Day for dinner - his idea of eating out was going thru the McDonald's drive thru! In the beginning he gave me some flowers - he was one of those men you'd see at Kroger on VD buying something. He did give me a card just about every year - it always made me wonder though - he signed the card "Rondal Martin" like I didn't know who he was and he never wrote anything else - although the cards were usually thoughtful and sweet.
This week I had an epiphany - my personality and character will not let me need someone!
I've given this a great deal of thought and am convinced this is true. I had been in love with others before Ronnie - but - there were lots of reasons those relationships didn't work out. When I realized I was falling in love with him, I wanted to be with him every second and I really felt like I needed him - in my life, beside me all the way, in good times and bad. I believed those words totally and completely.
But, I am a strong willed person and come from a long line of headstrong iron willed women. I don't think that is the problem - but after I was married, everytime I really needed Ronnie - needed him to support me and carry me for awhile, he let me down. Being pregnant with Renee was very hard - and I began to feel all alone. He didn't stay in town long enough to have our special dinner at the hospital or to drive me home - things I really needed him to do for me.
As the years went by - I found myself not relying on him for anything but trouble. I worked, I took care of the house, the kids and him. He brought home some money and gave me sex - that was the extent of his support for me. And, after years I evolved into a woman who would not let herself need anybody for anything. Years of hopes and plans being dashed and repeated failures time after time led me to never expect too much - to never need anyone else to do what they were supposed to - and the only rely on myself for what I needed. Expect nothing but failure unless I was 100% in charge and not depending on anyone else.
I've been separated from him almost eight years and I'm just now realizing all of this??? The walls I've built around me are too tall and two thick for anyone to ever penetrate. I'm at peace with that and just finally figuring it all out gives me a freedom I had not know before. It does make me sad too - I would have liked to share with someone again.
Meatloaf had a song back in the late 70's, early 80's where one line was "I want you, I need you, but there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you. Don't feel back, 'cos two out of three ain't bad".
It takes all three for a loving caring healthy relationship.
Monday, February 8, 2010
The Weight of the World
There are many days I feel the weight of the world is all on my shoulders. That's not true of course, but there are just times I feel like that.
I've been enjoying playlist.com and Amy turned me on the blip.fm. These are both great sites to find music and create playlists. I've enjoyed them because of music I remember from 'back when' and finding music that I don't own.
And, in listening to the lyrics and singing along to oldies and current favorites, I've realized that my favorite songs of all have a personal message I truly believe in or address the human condition - and most of the time the human condition is not good.
I suppose most music is lumped into those categories if I thought about it, but indulge me, I'm trying to make a point.
I'm sitting here wondering these things (and yes, it's from the eclectic mix of songs I've listened to today):
1 - what really matters - WHAT REALLY MATTERS? Is it how many toys you accumulate while on this planet? Or how big a bank account you can accrue? Or how many foreign countries you've visited. If any of these are true, I'm already behind the 8 ball!
2 - when I leave, what am I leaving behind? Now I've even mentioned that this song by Linkin Park (Leave the Rest Behind) be played at my funeral. But seriously, what am I leaving behind? What will I be remembered for? I'm a long way from having any money, so no buildings will carry my name or be named for me in honor of all my contributions! And, will I be missed? I'm sure Renee and Lynn will miss me - Amy and Ben too - but am I making enough of a contribution for anyone else to say "Man, I sure miss Lisa" or "man, I wish Lisa were here" when the time comes I've shuffled off this mortal coil?
3 - have I done anything to help anybody on this planet have a better life? I'd like to think so - I hope I have encouraged a few folks when they were down to keep plodding on - I hope I've shared as much knowledge as I can with people - and I hope that just by smiling at someone I didn't know, maybe their day was a little improved. But, that's just not enough. I can't go to a third world country and dig wells, I can't donate a million dollars to build a school somewhere, but I need to make more of a contribution to my fellow man.
4 - and in light of that - where do I go from here? I feel burdened for those less fortunate for even though I'm basically broke, live in a small 1 bedroom apartment and own an 8 year old van - I am so blessed with love. And, I'm content with where I am in life and the life I've led - I am not full of regrets so that each day is sorrowful and angry. BUT, I know there is something else I can do to help someone.
So - I feel the weight of the world and the vast needs that will go unmet today. My heart aches for the babies born today that will be addicted to crack at birth, and aches for those you are given healthy births, but make that decision later in life to use drugs. It's going to snow tonight - and if I still worked downtown - I would see some homeless people lining up on the sidewalk grates that blow warm air as I headed home. And, I wonder if everyone in my building has had supper tonight? There are a lot of hungry people in this world.
These feelings and my awareness of some of what goes on in the world, oh I have no doubts I know little of what is really bad, well, it shapes my daily routine, it shapes the way I think, what I say, how I vote, and what I teach my children. And, I believe each of us is personally responsible to try and improve the condition of our fellowman. I know I can't give money to a crack addicted person who asks - but I can bring them something to eat. I can't take anyone in to my home, but I can be charitable with my time and resources to help places that help homeless.
And I can pray. And pray a lot - every day - and many times during the day - even if it is a sentence prayer but even a few words mumbled or felt deep within, when there is true heartfelt emotion that accompanies them - are the prayers God wants us to pray for each other. That I can do plenty of - and I will do more tomorrow than I've done today.
I've been enjoying playlist.com and Amy turned me on the blip.fm. These are both great sites to find music and create playlists. I've enjoyed them because of music I remember from 'back when' and finding music that I don't own.
And, in listening to the lyrics and singing along to oldies and current favorites, I've realized that my favorite songs of all have a personal message I truly believe in or address the human condition - and most of the time the human condition is not good.
I suppose most music is lumped into those categories if I thought about it, but indulge me, I'm trying to make a point.
I'm sitting here wondering these things (and yes, it's from the eclectic mix of songs I've listened to today):
1 - what really matters - WHAT REALLY MATTERS? Is it how many toys you accumulate while on this planet? Or how big a bank account you can accrue? Or how many foreign countries you've visited. If any of these are true, I'm already behind the 8 ball!
2 - when I leave, what am I leaving behind? Now I've even mentioned that this song by Linkin Park (Leave the Rest Behind) be played at my funeral. But seriously, what am I leaving behind? What will I be remembered for? I'm a long way from having any money, so no buildings will carry my name or be named for me in honor of all my contributions! And, will I be missed? I'm sure Renee and Lynn will miss me - Amy and Ben too - but am I making enough of a contribution for anyone else to say "Man, I sure miss Lisa" or "man, I wish Lisa were here" when the time comes I've shuffled off this mortal coil?
3 - have I done anything to help anybody on this planet have a better life? I'd like to think so - I hope I have encouraged a few folks when they were down to keep plodding on - I hope I've shared as much knowledge as I can with people - and I hope that just by smiling at someone I didn't know, maybe their day was a little improved. But, that's just not enough. I can't go to a third world country and dig wells, I can't donate a million dollars to build a school somewhere, but I need to make more of a contribution to my fellow man.
4 - and in light of that - where do I go from here? I feel burdened for those less fortunate for even though I'm basically broke, live in a small 1 bedroom apartment and own an 8 year old van - I am so blessed with love. And, I'm content with where I am in life and the life I've led - I am not full of regrets so that each day is sorrowful and angry. BUT, I know there is something else I can do to help someone.
So - I feel the weight of the world and the vast needs that will go unmet today. My heart aches for the babies born today that will be addicted to crack at birth, and aches for those you are given healthy births, but make that decision later in life to use drugs. It's going to snow tonight - and if I still worked downtown - I would see some homeless people lining up on the sidewalk grates that blow warm air as I headed home. And, I wonder if everyone in my building has had supper tonight? There are a lot of hungry people in this world.
These feelings and my awareness of some of what goes on in the world, oh I have no doubts I know little of what is really bad, well, it shapes my daily routine, it shapes the way I think, what I say, how I vote, and what I teach my children. And, I believe each of us is personally responsible to try and improve the condition of our fellowman. I know I can't give money to a crack addicted person who asks - but I can bring them something to eat. I can't take anyone in to my home, but I can be charitable with my time and resources to help places that help homeless.
And I can pray. And pray a lot - every day - and many times during the day - even if it is a sentence prayer but even a few words mumbled or felt deep within, when there is true heartfelt emotion that accompanies them - are the prayers God wants us to pray for each other. That I can do plenty of - and I will do more tomorrow than I've done today.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)