It's Christmas Eve, and I've got to get busy with some cooking I plan to do. Tomorrow my family will come over for food and presents and we'll have a good time. I will treasure those moments, even though I will be exhausted when they go, I know that these moments will be over for me one day and I want to savor each one as long as possible.
This year, 2016, has been a little more than rough. When the new year rolled in, I hoped for a good year for myself and health since 2015 had been so bad, but I also recognized that 2016 was going to bring loss, there were just too many folks I knew who were sick and hurting.
In January we lost Corky Edwards. I'd had the pleasure and privilege to call her "Grandma" for over 25 years. She was actually Ben's grandmother, but she was Grandma to all of us. Thank you Grandma for loving us all as your own!
Just a short time passed and a dear friend, Cathie Dodd, passed. Cathie had taken a chance on me back in 2003 and gave me and my children a beautiful brand new place in which to live. We lived there over six years. Thank you Cathie for all you did for me and my family and for all of the other families you helped to house for years!
Before I turned around good, my dear dear Aunt Joan passed. Joan had lived with us when she was in high school and I was a child of 4 and 5. She'd always been such a light in our family, the only girl with seven brothers! Any time we'd visit or talk on the phone, no matter how long it might have been, we could pick up like we'd not missed a single day. She was so very special to me, thank you Joan for always being a light in my life!
In June, a man very near and dear to my heart passed, Mr. Dave Miller! There is another blog post dedicated to Mr. Miller, but he was more iconic to my life than he ever knew. The knowledge he passed on to me, and others, has been invaluable in life. Thank you Mr. Miller for teaching me so very much and for always have a great sense of humor!!
A man I'd met after I moved to Trevecca, Ed Wallace, passed in summer. Ed was quite a pleasure to talk to - he loved music of all kinds so we could talk forever about that. His life's work had been in computer installation and repair, he'd been on the install team for the very first computer in Nashville - which I'd known was at Life and Casualty - so we'd bonded immediately. I can remember him being in the multi purpose room playing on the piano. Thank you Ed for being so kind to me!
Another friend from Trevecca, former Glencliff classmate and forever Woodbine girl, Connie Medrano, passed in early December. Connie and I had become good friends after she moved into Trevecca and I will always remember our "Woodbine" calls whenever we'd see each other. Thank you Connie for the laughs and I know you're heart is at peace!
Just a week ago, my dear and sweet Aunt Sue Lacy left us. What a glorious reunion Heaven must have witnessed! That should be of great comfort, and it will be I know, but right now my heart is so broken. Aunt Sue was a wonderful woman. There were times she reached out to me that I've never shared with anyone, but times when I was distraught or my heart was so burdened. She prayed with me many times over the phone, and I know her prayers would continue for me and my family long after the phone call ended. Thank you Aunt Sue for so many great memories thru the years, but especially for your Christian example and endless prayers!
My heart is heavy with the losses of 2016 and I expect a few more next year, some loved ones are not doing so well and bad news just seems to keep rolling in, but I know this is life. My grandmother used to tell me "You know Lisa, the only thing we're promised the day we are born, is that one day we will die". She was so right and there is some comfort in those words, even in times of grief. Remembering her, Mom and Dad, all the aunts and uncles, my Grandpa - brings smiles of good times and tears of sadness. Tomorrow, seeing my children and the grands will bring smiles of good times and tears of sadness - the circle of life.
Saturday, December 24, 2016
Thursday, December 1, 2016
My Mother's Heart
When I reached the age of adulthood, I ended up with a job and a new car (and a new car payment). I had been a very smart girl in school but I ended up being ignorant to the ways of the world and my part in it. I made a bunch, not one or two, but a bunch of bad decisions that I thought weren't hurting anyone except me when they'd backfire. My mother talked to me until she was 'blue in the face' to no avail. My dad tried, he even called me at work one day to tell me my mother had spent her life raising me and I was killing her. That probably straightened me up for awhile, but not too long.
Now, I didn't do alot of drugs, I did plenty of drinking, didn't go to jail, but made the most horrible decisions on some friends, especially those of male persuasion.
I remember my mom crying in desperation, begging me to drop the person I was so intent on being with - and more than once we went thru this saga - until at last I just did what she feared most, I married him and had two babies.
Becoming a parent changed me - I wanted to be a shining example to them and was grateful that my past wasn't so bad. There weren't public records to document my stupidity, just a few scars and my mother's broken heart.
And oh how I tried to do everything right for my two children. I insisted they have everything I could think of and almost everything they'd ever ask for. I supported them in school being room mother and going on field trips, always looking out for less fortunate children and trying every way I could to make them proud of themselves and do the right things.
Even after the divorce I struggled to be sure they had everything they needed (high schoolers now) and welcomed all of their friends into our home. Now, said friends would be in two groups in two separate rooms, but they were there and I was comforted that my kids would bring their friends home.
My daughter was a ray of sunshine from the first moment I laid eyes on her. She excelled in everything she did, wasn't too difficult of a teenager, went on to college and graduated, married a man who loves her desperately, is a kind and loving nurse to all of her patients and is a wonderful woman, wife and daughter to me.
My son was a challenge from the get-go. My dad said he was tense, maybe he was? His little fists were clinched from birth and he didn't sleep well for a long time. He had four daycares before kindergarten, (my daughter only two) and it was most taxing to keep him in school reasonably behaved. The difficulty continued to grow, until I put him in state custody at age 16. He aged out of that, got me evicted from the home we had, and proceeded to spend the next eight years in and out of jail, homeless, jobless 90% of the not in jail time, and fathered multiple children with multiple women. Right now we are not speaking because of the presidential election this year. And honestly, my life is much more peaceful with no (almost) contact with him.
My mom used to say that what you do comes home to you tenfold - well my mother's heart was broken badly over my decisions. This woman's heart may not recover.
Now, I didn't do alot of drugs, I did plenty of drinking, didn't go to jail, but made the most horrible decisions on some friends, especially those of male persuasion.
I remember my mom crying in desperation, begging me to drop the person I was so intent on being with - and more than once we went thru this saga - until at last I just did what she feared most, I married him and had two babies.
Becoming a parent changed me - I wanted to be a shining example to them and was grateful that my past wasn't so bad. There weren't public records to document my stupidity, just a few scars and my mother's broken heart.
And oh how I tried to do everything right for my two children. I insisted they have everything I could think of and almost everything they'd ever ask for. I supported them in school being room mother and going on field trips, always looking out for less fortunate children and trying every way I could to make them proud of themselves and do the right things.
Even after the divorce I struggled to be sure they had everything they needed (high schoolers now) and welcomed all of their friends into our home. Now, said friends would be in two groups in two separate rooms, but they were there and I was comforted that my kids would bring their friends home.
My daughter was a ray of sunshine from the first moment I laid eyes on her. She excelled in everything she did, wasn't too difficult of a teenager, went on to college and graduated, married a man who loves her desperately, is a kind and loving nurse to all of her patients and is a wonderful woman, wife and daughter to me.
My son was a challenge from the get-go. My dad said he was tense, maybe he was? His little fists were clinched from birth and he didn't sleep well for a long time. He had four daycares before kindergarten, (my daughter only two) and it was most taxing to keep him in school reasonably behaved. The difficulty continued to grow, until I put him in state custody at age 16. He aged out of that, got me evicted from the home we had, and proceeded to spend the next eight years in and out of jail, homeless, jobless 90% of the not in jail time, and fathered multiple children with multiple women. Right now we are not speaking because of the presidential election this year. And honestly, my life is much more peaceful with no (almost) contact with him.
My mom used to say that what you do comes home to you tenfold - well my mother's heart was broken badly over my decisions. This woman's heart may not recover.
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