A Mother's Tears

In the last thirty years, I've shed tears for many reasons.  Happiness, pride swelling in my chest to almost burst my eyeballs out, physical pain that left me barely able to whimper, fear that left me speechless and silent heartbreak at losing a loved one I couldn't imagine being in this world without.

But, none of those compare to a mother's tears when her child is bawling their eyes out in anguish and pain and confusion and despair.

I've had to see both of my children with these kind of tears this week.  They are in very different situations, but, they are both hurting.  And no mother can stand that - there's nothing to do with these times but just keep pushing.  It will get better, it will get different, and this won't seem so bad a year from now.  Mostly because there'll be the next rung of the ladder that will probably be worse!

How do you encourage your child to keep going, even when that going is so hard and rough?  Because that's the only choice. 

Today my son has threatened to take his life.  This is not the first time, and probably won't be the last.  But today his anguish is palatable, I can taste it, I feel it in my bones and hear it in his sobs. 

And in all their anguish, I cry.  Rivers of tears.  And I cry out to God, please help me to help them!  Tell me what to do or say to ease their pain.  Help them, dear Lord, to keep pushing.

And today, I want my own mother to cry to.