Difficult Times

For those of you who know me more closely than just the blog, you know the last nine months or so have been pretty rough. Last June, continuing problems with my son escalated to him being arrested here at home for domestic violence and I relinquished him to state custody. He lived away from here for about 5 months, during which time he did come home for visits. Things seemed to be going pretty good and he returned home in November for a 90 day trial.

Things started out pretty good I guess - I don't think I really believe that, I just want to believe it. Progressively, they've gotten worse. About a month ago Lynn and I went to a child/family/team meeting at DCS. I fully intended to send him back to residential care that day, however, some facts came out regarding DCS' failure to provide support to the family during the transition that changed my mind. The plan then became for us to get family counseling, etc. and try to keep Lynn at home.

He would have to return to school, which he was fighting about going everyday, etc. And we would go to counseling. Which we have now, twice. The first time was an assessment that indicated Lynn really needed to be in a residential treatment facility but they said they were working with us. The second time was horrible, a lot of things came out, and while I have some notion that we are progressing, etc., Lynn is harboring anger and resentment over last June and says he plans to settle the score when he is out of state custody. I've taken that as a threat, although, the counselor didn't seem to agree.

Needless to say, life in this house since Tuesday has been off the chain. I don't know what the immediate future holds, but I don't see Lynn and I living in the same location very much longer. I feel tremendous guilt about this, but I feel guilty that Renee is being forced to live in hell and I shouldn't be willing to settle for his hell for myself. I did that with Lynn's dad, lived in pure hell for a long time before I got myself out of there - and that's what I'm facing now. It's much harder when it's your flesh and blood, the child you've carried and gave birth to, the child you've raised and sacrificed everything under the sun for, and it's damn near impossible to accept that this other human you have so much invested in can become a person who does not embrace any of your values or show any respect for what you've done.

It's a minute by minute thing right now, but, this is another situation that I feel like I'll have to end and I won't like the outcome. He'll grow up one day and see the errs of these ways, I hope I am alive to see it, for his sake, not mine. Guilt over something you cannot make right is a bitch to live with and I want better for him than that burden.

Duma Key

I bought this book couple of weeks ago - had not allowed myself any books for several months - but had to have it! I'm about 2/3 of the way thru - slow for my normal pace - but the eyes are less than cooperative anymore. All that aside, it is the best SK I've read for awhile - maybe since Hearts in Atlantis - and rivaling The Stand to become my favorite.

I find myself having so much in common with the major character - Edgar Freemantle. No, I wasn't a contractor, no I'm not a painter, but there are other similarities that go beyond verbal description. In this book, SK explores the theory that you can be overcome by the power of some place or some intangible object (for lack of a better word). The wildest part is, I believe this, and call me crazy, but Edgar has some speech problems due to an accident - I swear, while reading this book, I've experienced some of the same problems. I have to stop because I can't remember the word, or I say it wrong - like I called Renee's ex-roommate "Jory" - her name is Jami!

SK always says he aims for the laughter - I've laughed several times in this book. The best line I've EVER EVER read is this one regarding the mess in Iraq - "it started with the one with W for a middle name and a dick for a vice president".

Party on Stephen King!!

So I've Started My Book!

Yes - today I started writing. I'm not sure how this is going to go - my mind is going way too fast and I've got to slow down so that it's all not just a jumbled up mess.

I haven't done an outline, but maybe I should. My favorite author in the world - Stephen King - does not use an outline. He just creates his characters and watches to see what they will do. Since my approach is a little more autobiographical, and I'm nowhere near the caliber of King, maybe I'll have to investigate the outline theory.

I've done my dedication page, something most writers probably do at the end, but I know where I'm going with this book - at least today I think I'm in the driver's seat. That may change and that page may change - we'll just have to wait and see!

Aftermath of a Storm

Tuesday afternoon I was expecting the weather to get pretty rough. I'd been watching the news and understand that 75 degree weather with a cold front coming in is a recipe for disaster. Very fortunately, the worst storms bypassed my neighborhood, even Nashville for that matter, but neighbors around us were not so lucky.

I watched weather updates and breaking news events instead of results of Super Tuesday. I called Renee about 8:30 to tell her her guests needed to leave and go home - it was open dorm night at Lipscomb. They had all already left - and she was on her way to Starbucks to work.

Right after she gets to work, they were evacuated to the basement of the Student Center. When I talked to her at 12:15 AM she was in the basement of the dormitory next to her building. They were finally allowed to return to their rooms at 3:00 AM, the only casualties being sleep and probably some homework assignments. I'm so grateful the school administration was proactive in keeping the kids safe - and that they had sufficient time to make these moves.

Last year about this time, Renee's top pick for college was Union University in Jackson, TN - a school very hard hit by tornadoes. I have to admit to saying a prayer of thanks that she did not pursue Union while watching the news Wednesday morning.

There are a lot of hurting families today for the ones lost Tuesday night, not only in Tennessee but Arkansas and Kentucky. Losses were not limited to life, but some folks lost everything material they owned, their homes, vehicles, EVERYTHING! It will be a long road of recovery.

So I'm Taking the Plunge

No, not the one you're probably thinking. I don't think I can ever do that again, but, it is related to the one I'm about to take.

As far back as I can remember I have loved to read. I remember having to keep a list in 5th grade of all the books we read, I read 102 books in 36 weeks of school! So you have to kinda get the picture.

I limit myself to what I buy now - they get heavy in moving and I've been on a five year mission to declutter for a big move to a retirement center.

BUT - thru the blog, myspace, and a couple of other projects I've busied myself with, I am always being asked "why don't you write a book?" So, I'm going to. I actually have two premises in mind - but - I'm very much leaning toward a somewhat autobiographical book with all the funny anecdotes I can think of, but, some sage advice on marriage and life, kids and cooking.

At least that's what I'm thinking. I have this other idea - remember Paul Simon's song "50 Ways to Leave your Lover"? Well, I could write "125 TImes I should have left Ronnie Martin"! If I did this one, I'd want it to be the therapeutic end to any further discussion or attention his behavior and sociopathic personality have demanded over the years. Needless to say that idiot called me this week.

The only thing about writing a book that includes too much about him, I'm not giving him a damn dime! That's something for the attorney and publisher to figure out - but - I have a publisher (sorta) if I proceed!

Maybe next year I'll be one of the featured author's at the Southern Festival of Books!!