Well, it's December 31. Tonight 2007 will leave and 2008 will come in. I didn't make resolutions, but I did make a list of goals I'm going to try to reach. May not be much difference, except in the approach, goals can be ongoing whereas a resolution may just be broken and forgotten soon.
I have faith 2008 will be a better year. I've set somewhat of a pattern the last few years - the odd years have not always been good - Dad died in 1995, I had a major wreck in 1999, Mom died in 2003, I went on disability in 2005, had another major wreck in 2007. See? But, all of those things have been survivable - and there are obstacles everyday - I'm just glad to see an even year get here!
I'll be sitting up in bed watching the ball drop at midnight - my years of partying the new year in long ago behind me. Which reminds me, my family had our Christmas yesterday. We were all at Larry and Mitzi's and the kids had some music on. Amy and I started singing Charlie Daniels Band tunes! She had my box set of CDB in her vehicle so we actually played some of them and us two and Larry sang our hearts out on a few songs. Brought back a lot of good memories.
I did try to convince my kids I used to be too cool, but they weren't going, even after everybody told them I was too cool back in the day!
Have a safe and happy new year!!
Monday, December 31, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Teach Your Children
Remember this song by Crosby, Stills and Nash? I had looked up the lyrics the other day - sometimes I'm just old and forget the words. But, it's quite timely for today.
My children are 17 and 18 right now, very tough ages and tough times for them. It's the best time of your life, but you have no idea that it is, wouldn't believe anybody who told you, and it's only after you've struggled to live a few more years that you realize it.
There are not words to begin to tell a child how your heart aches for them - when they are troubled, sad, hurting, tired, frustrated or angry. When your child feels emotion, it's exacerbated in a mother's heart - good or bad.
I've spent my life raising these kids, their needs have always been first with me. I've taught them right from wrong, but now I'm watching them both struggle with life decisions. IT was so much easier when they were 2 and 3 and I could control everything in their lives. The fact that I don't have that control and I see them making mistakes makes me so angry. Today I need the strength to accept their decisions, do what I can to ease the pain, and go on living.
My mom told me you are never done raising your kids - I didn't want to believe her but now I know she was right.
My children are 17 and 18 right now, very tough ages and tough times for them. It's the best time of your life, but you have no idea that it is, wouldn't believe anybody who told you, and it's only after you've struggled to live a few more years that you realize it.
There are not words to begin to tell a child how your heart aches for them - when they are troubled, sad, hurting, tired, frustrated or angry. When your child feels emotion, it's exacerbated in a mother's heart - good or bad.
I've spent my life raising these kids, their needs have always been first with me. I've taught them right from wrong, but now I'm watching them both struggle with life decisions. IT was so much easier when they were 2 and 3 and I could control everything in their lives. The fact that I don't have that control and I see them making mistakes makes me so angry. Today I need the strength to accept their decisions, do what I can to ease the pain, and go on living.
My mom told me you are never done raising your kids - I didn't want to believe her but now I know she was right.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Teenagers and Winter Break
Boy oh boy! After spending most of the fall alone in the house (except for the weekends) I am in culture shock!
Lynn came home full time on November 9. Renee and her roommate Jami were home for 10 days during Thanksgiving, and came back full time around December 7th. So, between the three of them and all their friends (Lynn is never alone), my house is like grand central station!
The house is a wreck too - I don't remember Renee being so messy as she is now. And, I will blame that on Jami. That poor child is so messy - she's a female Lynn.
I fussed and cussed at them yesterday, but this morning, I didn't see anything any different. And, there are 19 more days until they move back to the dorm!!!
Tomorrow is trash day, so I hope to get some cleaning up done tonight - maybe I need to sneak home during the day while they are at work and really clean out!! I have no idea what happened to your stuff!
I know what I am experiencing is not limited to me - there are parents all over the world today thinking the same thing. Believe me kids, we love you all, it's just we'd gotten used to the quite and calm and for the most part, have forgotten what it was like to be teenagers!!
Merry Christmas, damn it!
Lynn came home full time on November 9. Renee and her roommate Jami were home for 10 days during Thanksgiving, and came back full time around December 7th. So, between the three of them and all their friends (Lynn is never alone), my house is like grand central station!
The house is a wreck too - I don't remember Renee being so messy as she is now. And, I will blame that on Jami. That poor child is so messy - she's a female Lynn.
I fussed and cussed at them yesterday, but this morning, I didn't see anything any different. And, there are 19 more days until they move back to the dorm!!!
Tomorrow is trash day, so I hope to get some cleaning up done tonight - maybe I need to sneak home during the day while they are at work and really clean out!! I have no idea what happened to your stuff!
I know what I am experiencing is not limited to me - there are parents all over the world today thinking the same thing. Believe me kids, we love you all, it's just we'd gotten used to the quite and calm and for the most part, have forgotten what it was like to be teenagers!!
Merry Christmas, damn it!
Monday, December 10, 2007
My Space
Man - I need some new pictures of myself and the kids on this site. Not to mention my myspace page needs updating too.
That was a stretch - me getting onto myspace and signing up. It was all supposed to be for kids right? Well NOT! There are a lot of us parents out there - and we correspond with each other etc. I've met up with some old friends from high school - made some new friends - and it's been a lot of fun.
My own space is not so pimped out - Lynn has floaties on his - and pictures that should embarass his mother. Renee's is cool too - she always has the prettiest backgrounds, etc.
I like to copy some of her stuff - there was this quiz about rock, paper, scissors I took and put on mine. I like it - it says I'm a rock and pretty much describes my personality right on target. And you know, it was only about 5 or 6 questions, not many. You just are who you are!
If you don't have a My Space - get one. You'll have fun with it - it's not as good as blogging but pretty damn close!
That was a stretch - me getting onto myspace and signing up. It was all supposed to be for kids right? Well NOT! There are a lot of us parents out there - and we correspond with each other etc. I've met up with some old friends from high school - made some new friends - and it's been a lot of fun.
My own space is not so pimped out - Lynn has floaties on his - and pictures that should embarass his mother. Renee's is cool too - she always has the prettiest backgrounds, etc.
I like to copy some of her stuff - there was this quiz about rock, paper, scissors I took and put on mine. I like it - it says I'm a rock and pretty much describes my personality right on target. And you know, it was only about 5 or 6 questions, not many. You just are who you are!
If you don't have a My Space - get one. You'll have fun with it - it's not as good as blogging but pretty damn close!
Friday, December 7, 2007
Child Support Drama
Today I was supposed to go to court on child support - initiated by the state this time. To begin with, I went to the wrong building. I had called to make sure I knew where I was going, and was told yes, but I was in the wrong place.
Luckily "my baby daddy" went to a different wrong building, so we're bumped to a different docket and sent to the right place. No real surprises, he's still not paying, trying to say he can't pay, etc. He should win an Academy Award for the performance he put on - he was injured last year and he was milking it for all it was worth - actually, he acted much like a severe Down's Syndrome person acts. I am not making fun of anybody - except him!
Of course, after we're dismissed the attorney did see him in the hall chatting away to my daughter; she even commented to me that was not the same man they had seen in court earlier!
I was married for 14 years - but the only real description of him for me now is just the "baby daddy". He sees the kids maybe once or twice a year, usually in court. Doesn't call on their birthdays, whines if they don't call him on his.
You should never never never marry beneath youself. I did - thought I could pull him up to my standard and couldn't. I could not care less now, except it hurts my kids. That's my payback daily for my defiance - everybody tried to tell me and I wouldn't listen - I didn't know not one single person who thought it was a good idea for me to marry him. They were all right.
But, on a lighter note, we did see a fight at the Child Support Office - major baby momma drama with the boyfriend, baby daddy and baby daddy sister. WOW - the police had to come. All I could think (and say) was what did Kat Williams say about "these nigga's are about to fight". It was hysterical- really worth all the walking I had to do today!
Luckily "my baby daddy" went to a different wrong building, so we're bumped to a different docket and sent to the right place. No real surprises, he's still not paying, trying to say he can't pay, etc. He should win an Academy Award for the performance he put on - he was injured last year and he was milking it for all it was worth - actually, he acted much like a severe Down's Syndrome person acts. I am not making fun of anybody - except him!
Of course, after we're dismissed the attorney did see him in the hall chatting away to my daughter; she even commented to me that was not the same man they had seen in court earlier!
I was married for 14 years - but the only real description of him for me now is just the "baby daddy". He sees the kids maybe once or twice a year, usually in court. Doesn't call on their birthdays, whines if they don't call him on his.
You should never never never marry beneath youself. I did - thought I could pull him up to my standard and couldn't. I could not care less now, except it hurts my kids. That's my payback daily for my defiance - everybody tried to tell me and I wouldn't listen - I didn't know not one single person who thought it was a good idea for me to marry him. They were all right.
But, on a lighter note, we did see a fight at the Child Support Office - major baby momma drama with the boyfriend, baby daddy and baby daddy sister. WOW - the police had to come. All I could think (and say) was what did Kat Williams say about "these nigga's are about to fight". It was hysterical- really worth all the walking I had to do today!
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Brighter Days
Boy - my posts the last few days have sounded like I was terminal haven't they? Well, for that matter, we're all terminal BUT it's the timetable that makes the difference. I am looking forward to brighter days.
The girls (my daughter Renee and her roommate Jami) started moving home yesterday from college for the Christmas break. Man oh man, 4 weeks with 3 teenagers!! And that's just whose supposed to sleep there each night. Lynn almosts always has a friend over on Friday and Saturday nights.
Chez Martin will have a chore list daily - along with a menu - I shouldn't really have to cook the next 4 weeks should I? No, I didn't think so either! Just financing this deal (the utility bills and the groceries) is really more than I can do - ok guys - Merry Christmas!!
The girls (my daughter Renee and her roommate Jami) started moving home yesterday from college for the Christmas break. Man oh man, 4 weeks with 3 teenagers!! And that's just whose supposed to sleep there each night. Lynn almosts always has a friend over on Friday and Saturday nights.
Chez Martin will have a chore list daily - along with a menu - I shouldn't really have to cook the next 4 weeks should I? No, I didn't think so either! Just financing this deal (the utility bills and the groceries) is really more than I can do - ok guys - Merry Christmas!!
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Reflections
This time of year I spend some time thinking about the last year - what went well, what didn't, progress made or footings lost. And, on the heels of that hopes for the next year. I don't really do resolutions anymore - but I do try to set some goals to work toward. That's the best I can do anymore - age, physicality, just sheer fatigue, well, resolutions just won't fly.
2007 wasn't the best year I've ever had, it wasn't the worse either though. There were some major milestones - Renee turned 18, Renee graduated from high school, Renee went off to college - those were all good. A head on collision in January, Lynn's problems, financial worries - they've been bad this year.
Even in the problems, there've been some silver linings. We were able to get another vehicle, Lynn has improved 1000 fold and money, well there's always more demand than supply if you're in the working class. We have a roof, the lights are on, and none of us look like we missed any meals! How much more blessed could we be?
I'm grateful for so much - my brothers and sisters are all still alive and well - we've had some health problems and scares so that is a wonderful blessing. The kids - mine and Larry and Mitzi's are all healthy! We all have the love of some animals (well, except that my cat doesn't love me - but Morgan, Zina & DaeDae make up for it) We'll spend some time during the holidays enjoying each other's company and good food - cherished recipes from throughout our lives. Could it get any better?
2007 wasn't the best year I've ever had, it wasn't the worse either though. There were some major milestones - Renee turned 18, Renee graduated from high school, Renee went off to college - those were all good. A head on collision in January, Lynn's problems, financial worries - they've been bad this year.
Even in the problems, there've been some silver linings. We were able to get another vehicle, Lynn has improved 1000 fold and money, well there's always more demand than supply if you're in the working class. We have a roof, the lights are on, and none of us look like we missed any meals! How much more blessed could we be?
I'm grateful for so much - my brothers and sisters are all still alive and well - we've had some health problems and scares so that is a wonderful blessing. The kids - mine and Larry and Mitzi's are all healthy! We all have the love of some animals (well, except that my cat doesn't love me - but Morgan, Zina & DaeDae make up for it) We'll spend some time during the holidays enjoying each other's company and good food - cherished recipes from throughout our lives. Could it get any better?
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