What We Say vs. What We Really Mean

These two things should always be equal - in the world of a parent, they may not be. In the world of a parent of a teenager, well, it's dicey!

I think I've mentioned in many posts that my marriage was to a black man. I don't say African American, any more than I call myself British American or German American. His ancestors were here longer than mine and he's less "African" than the Pope so why would I call him that? I don't mean disrepect to those who have migrated to this country in the last 2-3 decades from Africa - they are African American - nor to the Pope!

But to my point - I'm having a problem understanding why a white parent of a white female child could be so vicious and vehemently against her child's relationship with a young black man. There seems to be no explanation for it other than racism - a word I don't normally use. This young man comes from a good family, he's very good looking, soft spoken and a good student. He adores the young woman in question, and she feels the same way about him.

What should have been one of the happiest memories of their lives - the Senior Prom - will not be. He was allowed to pick her up, but had to endure a tongue lashing from this mother in the meantime. They went to the Prom, where she ended up crying most of the night, did Senior Walk together although she'd been advised to walk alone by her grandmother and at the end of the night, agreed not to see each other any longer bacause of the pressure from her family.

There is no rhyme or reason here. These are people I've know for years, and while my child feels violated because she thought they had accepted her, and they still insist that they do - how can that be? Because my child didn't have a choice? Please don't pity her! She is a bright, beautiful, brown skinned woman who knows who she is, says what she means, means what she says, and has already exhibited more tolerance for your inconsideration, prejudice and ignorance than you are capable of understanding.

I will say this - there are far worse things for your teenager to "succumb to" than being attracted to someone of a different race, and far worse things for a parent to
endure than tolerating this relationship. If you need a list, I can provide one - check my next post!

You can kid yourself about what you're saying, but believe me, you are not kidding your kids. They see right thru you, to the real you. Make sure you can face the consequences that will come when what you say and what you really mean are not in sync, they will not be nice or pretty.