Next week marks the 30 year anniversary of my graduation from high school! 30 years!! My God, what have I done with the time?
The first ten or so I think I just muddled around - I had loads of fun, several car wrecks although none were serious, got a lot of speeding tickets, had a few boyfriends, drink a few cases of beer, and worked. I guess the last 20 I've spent raising kids with a few extras here and there. The marriage was a major detour, nothing much but my kids and a lot of scars out of those years. But, somehow I feel like I should have done something really major and I don't think there's been time to do that!
Don't waste any time - make something big happen every year - a vacation, a tattoo!, or something!!
AND - 12 days on the Diet Coke rehab, although I did have small one yesterday morning and have no excuse except that Lynn was on my last nerve! In that light, I'm glad it's Diet Coke and not vodka that gets me over the hurdles, Diet Coke is serious enough to try and shake off.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Memorial Day
This weekend holds a lot of memories for me, especially while growing up. My parents were native Kentuckians, my dad from Adair and my mom from Barren counties. Each Memorial Day weekend, we would visit the cemetaries where grandparents and aunts and uncles were buried and decorate the graves.
During these visits, we'd learn about our ancestors and stories about them. We'd usually pack either a picnic lunch or plan to stop somewhere and get a picnic lunch. We'd have sandwiches - nothing better than buying a loaf of bread and a pound of bologna cut off the roll with some ice cold Cokes to eat outside.
The cemetary when my parents are buried would be our ultimate destination. Since it is a rural county cemetary, Memorial Day was like a reunion. There'd be plenty of people at the cemetary, catching up with friends and family who had moved away and came back in recognition of the holiday's significance. The cemetary was only about one half the size it is now for most of the folks I remember seeing there are now buried there.
It would be somewhat of a major undertaking in the month prior to the weekend. Mom would have to make sure she had flowers for all of the graves it was necessary to decorate. And be sure we were all going to be dressed decent and there was money set aside for gas, etc.
Money for gas - one of the reasons I'm not in Kentucky this weekend visiting the cemetaries. Right now, I think we'll go the 2nd weekend in June. That's the anniversary of my mom's death and seems a rather appropriate time to visit. Gives me a little time to get one more repair done to the van too - the air conditioner!
I hope that my kids understand and will carry on the tradition when I'm buried there too.
During these visits, we'd learn about our ancestors and stories about them. We'd usually pack either a picnic lunch or plan to stop somewhere and get a picnic lunch. We'd have sandwiches - nothing better than buying a loaf of bread and a pound of bologna cut off the roll with some ice cold Cokes to eat outside.
The cemetary when my parents are buried would be our ultimate destination. Since it is a rural county cemetary, Memorial Day was like a reunion. There'd be plenty of people at the cemetary, catching up with friends and family who had moved away and came back in recognition of the holiday's significance. The cemetary was only about one half the size it is now for most of the folks I remember seeing there are now buried there.
It would be somewhat of a major undertaking in the month prior to the weekend. Mom would have to make sure she had flowers for all of the graves it was necessary to decorate. And be sure we were all going to be dressed decent and there was money set aside for gas, etc.
Money for gas - one of the reasons I'm not in Kentucky this weekend visiting the cemetaries. Right now, I think we'll go the 2nd weekend in June. That's the anniversary of my mom's death and seems a rather appropriate time to visit. Gives me a little time to get one more repair done to the van too - the air conditioner!
I hope that my kids understand and will carry on the tradition when I'm buried there too.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Falling Off the Wagon
I've done pretty good - maybe not as good as I should have - but who's perfect? I haven't had a full Diet Coke since last Monday - in fact - I had not had any Diet Coke at all until last night and I only drank about one half of a small from White Castle - probably 10 ozs worth. It didn't taste good so it was easy not to drink it - I just felt the urge and I was pretty bummed all day yesterday. Today - I'm back on the water, tea, and I did have a Dr. Pepper. Remember - it's not colas I'm eliminating, it's aspartame!!
I can tell I feel better - I even went to the Hands Together in Flatrock festival today and stayed until almost 2:00 which was two hours longer than I'd anticipated staying when I got there. Not bad!!
The amazing thing is - my craving for chocolate has really subsided. I've had some, as just a choice, not an overwhelming craving for it. One of the things I'd watched about aspartame had discussed how it tricks your brain into thinking you've ingested sugar, but with no sugar rush, hence the desire for the rush which leads to the craving for the carbohydrates. Very simple explanation, but it's what works for me!
This is what Websters describes aspartame as: a crystalline compound C14H18N2O5 that is a diamide synthesized from phenylalanine and aspartic acid and that is used as a low-calorie sweetener. Does that sound healthy? I don't think so - almost sounds like something illegal you'd buy in a back alley somewhere.
So I'm trying - all an addict can say.
I can tell I feel better - I even went to the Hands Together in Flatrock festival today and stayed until almost 2:00 which was two hours longer than I'd anticipated staying when I got there. Not bad!!
The amazing thing is - my craving for chocolate has really subsided. I've had some, as just a choice, not an overwhelming craving for it. One of the things I'd watched about aspartame had discussed how it tricks your brain into thinking you've ingested sugar, but with no sugar rush, hence the desire for the rush which leads to the craving for the carbohydrates. Very simple explanation, but it's what works for me!
This is what Websters describes aspartame as: a crystalline compound C14H18N2O5 that is a diamide synthesized from phenylalanine and aspartic acid and that is used as a low-calorie sweetener. Does that sound healthy? I don't think so - almost sounds like something illegal you'd buy in a back alley somewhere.
So I'm trying - all an addict can say.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Diet Coke Rehab
Yes I am trying to kick the addiction to Diet Coke. In my life, I've not been addicted to drugs or alcohol or cigarettes, but I've got a thing for food. I love it and I enjoy good food immensely. More on that later, right now let's deal with the Diet Coke issue. A few years ago, maybe 7-8, I got this grand idea that I might help my weight issue if I switched to Diet Coke. I didn't really drink a lot of Cokes, only when we had pizza or burgers at home, sometimes had one at lunch, but it wasn't something I bought everyday or kept in the house. My kids were young and I didn't buy cokes so they didn't drink them. That's another blog - feeding young kids!
Anyway, the switch wasn't that easy - I didn't really like the taste. But as with all things that will hook you, I got past that funny aftertaste. And, because in my mind it was Diet Coke and what could it hurt, I drank them like there was no tomorrow.
During fall registration at my old job, my office mate and I drank over 200 20 ounce bottles one August! We laughed that our bladders would fall out on the floor, but we got thru the month!
And, I would try, sometimes, to quit drinking them. It might last a day or two, maybe even 4 or 5, but next thing I'd know that cool burn down my throat would call and I'd suck one up in Guinness record breaking time. Liquid crack - that's just what it is - and I was it's crack whore.
And, as I'm really a control freak, I got to thinking - I didn't like that little bottle having the say so around me. And, I'd been reading how really bad for you aspartame is, and how the Diet drinks trick your mind and make you really eat more, to which I will say "Amen". I've gained more weight since I switched to Diet Coke than in any other timeframe in my life.
So, as of this morning, I am about 73 hours past last Diet Coke. So far, so good - although I felt it calling me last night. But I resisted - and this time I aim to be done with the Diet Coke once and for all. God help me, and my boy, Stephen Tyler, would went back to his own rehab yesterday! Hang in there Stephen!
Anyway, the switch wasn't that easy - I didn't really like the taste. But as with all things that will hook you, I got past that funny aftertaste. And, because in my mind it was Diet Coke and what could it hurt, I drank them like there was no tomorrow.
During fall registration at my old job, my office mate and I drank over 200 20 ounce bottles one August! We laughed that our bladders would fall out on the floor, but we got thru the month!
And, I would try, sometimes, to quit drinking them. It might last a day or two, maybe even 4 or 5, but next thing I'd know that cool burn down my throat would call and I'd suck one up in Guinness record breaking time. Liquid crack - that's just what it is - and I was it's crack whore.
And, as I'm really a control freak, I got to thinking - I didn't like that little bottle having the say so around me. And, I'd been reading how really bad for you aspartame is, and how the Diet drinks trick your mind and make you really eat more, to which I will say "Amen". I've gained more weight since I switched to Diet Coke than in any other timeframe in my life.
So, as of this morning, I am about 73 hours past last Diet Coke. So far, so good - although I felt it calling me last night. But I resisted - and this time I aim to be done with the Diet Coke once and for all. God help me, and my boy, Stephen Tyler, would went back to his own rehab yesterday! Hang in there Stephen!
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Graduation Gripes
I am so glad I do not have a child graduating this year in Metro schools. Glencliff's graduation is being held at TPAC - and each graduate was only allowed 8 tickets for family members and friends. A few kids got a few extras - the ones that didn't make the cut yesterday to walk on Sunday - their tickets were raffled off. Something rather barbaric about that!
Anyway, last year the graduation was held at Belmont and there were several thousand people present. Because I sat at the top of the arena - and near a door - I could barely hear anything because the traffic of folks arriving never stopped and they were all talking to each other or on the cell phones and laughing. Long ago, the dignity of graduation slipped out the door to never return.
I can't imagine the melee tomorrow at TPAC. I'm sure there will be many folks show up who have no idea they will not be allowed in without a ticket. And, the largest high school in Nashville, McGavock, is graduating around 1500 2 blocks away. Can you imagine the parking mess? There'll be folks on the street thinking they are going to graduation when the ceremony is over!!
I heard Channel 5 say this morning there would be increased security at all high school graduations in Metro this year. I say good - make sure you've got a huge posse near 6th and Deaderick - you're gonna need it!
And, to the powers that be at Glencliff and the Board of Education - what the hell were you thinking?
Anyway, last year the graduation was held at Belmont and there were several thousand people present. Because I sat at the top of the arena - and near a door - I could barely hear anything because the traffic of folks arriving never stopped and they were all talking to each other or on the cell phones and laughing. Long ago, the dignity of graduation slipped out the door to never return.
I can't imagine the melee tomorrow at TPAC. I'm sure there will be many folks show up who have no idea they will not be allowed in without a ticket. And, the largest high school in Nashville, McGavock, is graduating around 1500 2 blocks away. Can you imagine the parking mess? There'll be folks on the street thinking they are going to graduation when the ceremony is over!!
I heard Channel 5 say this morning there would be increased security at all high school graduations in Metro this year. I say good - make sure you've got a huge posse near 6th and Deaderick - you're gonna need it!
And, to the powers that be at Glencliff and the Board of Education - what the hell were you thinking?
Thursday, May 15, 2008
I Haven't Done Enough for Hillary!
I've not posted too much politically, but today I've stopped and wondered why?? This is my blog, I can pretty much say what I want to and do, so why have I been quiet about the election?
I am supporting Hillary 'til the end! There's no doubt that she is smarter than any other candidate, still standing or long gone, and she would be a good president under whom we would see growth and prosperity while protecting the future for our kids.
I've said this before and I'll say it again - every woman in the United States should be ashamed if they don't vote for her. How could you not? How can we not be empathetic to our sister and not support her? How many of you have had your heart broken time and time again, but you continue to stand and forge on and do what is right? Or how many times have the chips been down, for whatever reason, and you just kept on pushing? How can you sleep at night if you're not supporting Hillary?
It's something I'll never understand, but I will say this. Men stick together - dirty dogs that all of them eventually turn out to be! But us women, we'll turn on each other in a minute. And this time, we're sacrificing not only the quality of our life, but especially that of our children. And we, me included, have sit back and let the most horrible things be said about her and the crudest jokes ever made flow like the water (which we'll be out of with another Republican regime).
I don't believe Obama (if he's the Democratic candidate) will beat McCain - and the struggle will get harder for women to feed their kids and keep a roof over their heads, but we'll prevail. We have the grit and tenacity to keep on keeping on.
I am supporting Hillary 'til the end! There's no doubt that she is smarter than any other candidate, still standing or long gone, and she would be a good president under whom we would see growth and prosperity while protecting the future for our kids.
I've said this before and I'll say it again - every woman in the United States should be ashamed if they don't vote for her. How could you not? How can we not be empathetic to our sister and not support her? How many of you have had your heart broken time and time again, but you continue to stand and forge on and do what is right? Or how many times have the chips been down, for whatever reason, and you just kept on pushing? How can you sleep at night if you're not supporting Hillary?
It's something I'll never understand, but I will say this. Men stick together - dirty dogs that all of them eventually turn out to be! But us women, we'll turn on each other in a minute. And this time, we're sacrificing not only the quality of our life, but especially that of our children. And we, me included, have sit back and let the most horrible things be said about her and the crudest jokes ever made flow like the water (which we'll be out of with another Republican regime).
I don't believe Obama (if he's the Democratic candidate) will beat McCain - and the struggle will get harder for women to feed their kids and keep a roof over their heads, but we'll prevail. We have the grit and tenacity to keep on keeping on.
Monday, May 12, 2008
It Was a Good Day!
Yesterday was just a great day! I woke up early and started watching the morning show on CBS, which I really like to do on Sunday morning. Renee came along soon after that with my gift - a set of Martha Stewart 500 count Egyptian Cotton sheets!! WOW!!! She had a really cute card too that has Marvin Gaye singing "How Sweet It Is".
I also got breakfast in bed! That's one of my most favorite things - I had scrambled eggs, bacon and toast plus hot coffee. Can't get any better than that!!
Breakfast in bed is one of those rare treats I get a couple of times a year - Mother's Day and maybe my birthday - depends what day of the week that is. This year it's on a Sunday!! It may sound pretty simple, but I think it's one of my most favorite things to get and something I so appreciate when it happens. It's just special and I don't want it more than the couple of times a year, they're just extra special days and I look forward to the next time!!
The sheets got washed and put on the bed and I got in it at 7:00pm! It was a great night's sleep and I did not want to get up at all today - I was awake, just didn't want to get out of my bed!
Hope you all had a great day!
I also got breakfast in bed! That's one of my most favorite things - I had scrambled eggs, bacon and toast plus hot coffee. Can't get any better than that!!
Breakfast in bed is one of those rare treats I get a couple of times a year - Mother's Day and maybe my birthday - depends what day of the week that is. This year it's on a Sunday!! It may sound pretty simple, but I think it's one of my most favorite things to get and something I so appreciate when it happens. It's just special and I don't want it more than the couple of times a year, they're just extra special days and I look forward to the next time!!
The sheets got washed and put on the bed and I got in it at 7:00pm! It was a great night's sleep and I did not want to get up at all today - I was awake, just didn't want to get out of my bed!
Hope you all had a great day!
Saturday, May 10, 2008
A Good Cry Never Hurts
Sometimes I find myself in need of a good cry. The kind where where the tears rush like a flooding creek and I actually moan. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's like the cleansing of all things old and bad and the beginning of all good things to come.
This morning has been one of those times. Physically I'm tired, very tired. Emotionally I am drained beyond empty. It's Mother's Day weekend and I miss my momma. I am hopeful and fearful for what the future holds for Renee and Lynn, and so I break down under it all and cry my eyes out. All alone and quiet because I don't want to disturb or upset the kids and there's no one else to share it with.
I think it's something all mothers have to do occasionally. You can only run on high speed for so long until the motor overheats and needs a cooling down period. That's what this cry does for me. I'll pull myself together, wash my face, put on a smile, and keep right on going like I've never missed a beat.
After all, that's what mothers do.
This morning has been one of those times. Physically I'm tired, very tired. Emotionally I am drained beyond empty. It's Mother's Day weekend and I miss my momma. I am hopeful and fearful for what the future holds for Renee and Lynn, and so I break down under it all and cry my eyes out. All alone and quiet because I don't want to disturb or upset the kids and there's no one else to share it with.
I think it's something all mothers have to do occasionally. You can only run on high speed for so long until the motor overheats and needs a cooling down period. That's what this cry does for me. I'll pull myself together, wash my face, put on a smile, and keep right on going like I've never missed a beat.
After all, that's what mothers do.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Mother's Day
It's Thursday and I'm posting some thoughts about Mother's Day a little early. It's a tough day for me. I will experience joy because I have two kids and they'll be excited. Renee has already made out her list for grocery shopping - so I'll be getting breakfast in bed - something I dearly love!! I know she's bought a gift and is dying to give it to me already - but I won't let her. Lynn said he was trying to figure out how to get me something. He has a foster mother and we've discussed something for her too - she's been a wonderful addition to his life and I appreciate all she's doing for him!
There'll be sadness too - my own mom is gone and I miss her so much somedays I can barely stand it. When I feel like giving up, I can hear her nudging me on and pushing the way moms always do and I'm grateful for the lessons I learned about hard work and perseverance from her.
My mother in law lives in Kentucky. And yes, she's still my mother in law - I kept her in the divorce! I've sent flowers to be delivered on Friday. She's a special lady whom I love very much and she means a lot to my entire family.
It's a special day - not only for the mothers but for the sisters and aunts who may not be physical mothers but are there in every other sense of the word. Doting aunts can be your child's best friend and are very often the leveling agent between disagreeing mothers and children, as I've experienced.
Happy Mother's Day to every woman who has ever loved a child!
There'll be sadness too - my own mom is gone and I miss her so much somedays I can barely stand it. When I feel like giving up, I can hear her nudging me on and pushing the way moms always do and I'm grateful for the lessons I learned about hard work and perseverance from her.
My mother in law lives in Kentucky. And yes, she's still my mother in law - I kept her in the divorce! I've sent flowers to be delivered on Friday. She's a special lady whom I love very much and she means a lot to my entire family.
It's a special day - not only for the mothers but for the sisters and aunts who may not be physical mothers but are there in every other sense of the word. Doting aunts can be your child's best friend and are very often the leveling agent between disagreeing mothers and children, as I've experienced.
Happy Mother's Day to every woman who has ever loved a child!
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Song List
Well, I've discovered a new toy that may make me a monster for awhile - music playlists! I've got one on my Myspace that's a lot of favorite songs and I've added one to my blogpage. From time to time, I may add a song and tell you why it's on there. Today I'm starting with three songs - the first being "All for One" from the movie, "The Three Musketeers". I always loved this song and while it's truly a love song from a man to a woman, the lyrics are almost perfect for a mother's love to her children, hence the reason it's on my list.
The next songs are "In My Daughter's Eyes" by Martina McBride and "Simple Man" by Lynyrd Skynyrd. A couple of years ago my sister, Amy, and her husband, Ben, made a video for our family. It's wonderful and is full of pictures and songs and covers the span of time from my parents being children up until modern day. Each of us four kids have a segment and a song, as does each of the four grandkids. These are the songs I picked out for my children, Renee and Lynn. They are still tremendously on target for what I want my children to take and hold from me when I leave this world.
I hope you enjoy listening to them and pleaes feel free to comment anytime about anything I say, whether you agree or not, I want to hear from you!
The next songs are "In My Daughter's Eyes" by Martina McBride and "Simple Man" by Lynyrd Skynyrd. A couple of years ago my sister, Amy, and her husband, Ben, made a video for our family. It's wonderful and is full of pictures and songs and covers the span of time from my parents being children up until modern day. Each of us four kids have a segment and a song, as does each of the four grandkids. These are the songs I picked out for my children, Renee and Lynn. They are still tremendously on target for what I want my children to take and hold from me when I leave this world.
I hope you enjoy listening to them and pleaes feel free to comment anytime about anything I say, whether you agree or not, I want to hear from you!
It's Derby Day!
Having been raised and reared in Kentucky for almost 9 years, and being a weekend resident for the next 10 years or so, Derby Day is a big day to me. About 3:00 ths afternoon I'll sit down in front of the t.v. to watch the show. I've never been to a horse race in person, but I'll be excited and anxiety will ovetake me as the race begins. I'm sure the weather will be beautiful there today, but I hate to see the horses race after it's been raining, there's just more room for injury.
A couple of years ago I watch as Barbaro, the most spirited horse I've ever watched, won the Derby like it was kindergarten. And I was watching when he burst thru the gates at the Preakness ready to run before the race began. And I was watching when it became obvious that something had gone dreadfully wrong. I remember feeling terrible and just sitting there crying, knowing this was not good. I think it is very fitting that Barbaro's ashes are buried at Churchill Downs.
And even though I've only been on a horse once, and I'm scared of them actually, being born and raised in Kentucky you just develop a sense of pride, wonderment and respect for these animals. Churchill Downs is a revered place by Kentuckians and today is their day to shine for the world. My body will be in Nsahville, but today, my heart is in Louisville.
A couple of years ago I watch as Barbaro, the most spirited horse I've ever watched, won the Derby like it was kindergarten. And I was watching when he burst thru the gates at the Preakness ready to run before the race began. And I was watching when it became obvious that something had gone dreadfully wrong. I remember feeling terrible and just sitting there crying, knowing this was not good. I think it is very fitting that Barbaro's ashes are buried at Churchill Downs.
And even though I've only been on a horse once, and I'm scared of them actually, being born and raised in Kentucky you just develop a sense of pride, wonderment and respect for these animals. Churchill Downs is a revered place by Kentuckians and today is their day to shine for the world. My body will be in Nsahville, but today, my heart is in Louisville.
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